Selfish or Self-less?

In the last couple of days, two people have referred to me as being selfish. One person said it indirectly and the other said it directly. Of course when you hear things like that and you feel you aren’t selfish, you immediately get on the defensive. But I decided to not to do that when I heard it today.

The person that said it to me indirectly is the lady that I have been caring for, for 2 1/2 years now. I have served her and others have said “waited on her hand and foot”. I have cooked everyday, served her meals, cleaned the kitchen daily, taken her to her many doctors appointments, did the food shopping, picked up her meds and the list goes on. Instead of being paid, I have paid the utilities and given her money as well. Sound selfish?

I didn’t pay it much mind because I have finally decided to move away. I have been self-less for the past 10 years. When I moved to Florida from New York City, I became the caregiver for my Dad. After he died, I ended up being in the same situation, but I am finally letting go and moving on. This is why she is calling me selfish. I’ve decided to “get my life”. It’s laughable.

Today, I was referred to as being selfish because in the past, I was fighting for something that I thought God said was for me. At this point, I have let that go, but I am still very concerned for the person who I was fighting for. I’m glad this was communicated to me because you never know how someone is thinking until they tell you.

Here is the deal. I want the person free and happy period. I am very clear that it would be nothing more than that. And one thing I do know. God has spoken about my role to help, so I believe that person knows that I am a friend and not a foe. So I can be lied on and maligned, it doesn’t matter. When the dust settles, I am a friend who knows that I can help and the time is now.

I did think about what was said, and I can see why a person would say “well you only want to help me because you are thinking how it will benefit you”. That was not my mindset ever, from my perspective. But I can help and move on. I know I can. Too much has happened for this to be a blessing, at least in my mind. If a man makes it clear he has no intention of making you a part of his life, there is nothing left to do but accept it. But I think we can see other people and still be a friends.

Selfish? I think not. Try self-less? My problem is I need to be more selfish.

The End of a Season

There are seasons of life that we all go through and when you live a surrendered life, God can do whatever He wants with you. Not many understand this, but I am here for those who walk this “prophetic walk”.

In 2005, I  moved from the city of my birth (NY) and landed in west Florida, living with my Dad. He was up in age and his health was beginning to decline. Initially, I came because I needed to, but God had a plan. I ended up staying and taking care of him until he died in 2011.

I went through a lot, especially in the area of my health. One of the worse things a caregiver can do is neglect themselves and sadly, that is what I did. I got a very good job, but left because of health issues. This took my life in a direction that I’m not so sure I was supposed to go. But God has a way of working things out for our good.

I ended up moving in with an elderly lady who really needed help and that was our arrangement. Again, I found myself as a caregiver. Now don’t think I went into this willingly. It’s one thing to take care of your parent. It’s another thing to take care of someone who is not a relative. But this lady had lost her 35-year-old daughter years ago and had no one to take care of her. So God placed me in that role and gave me enough confirmation to know, I was in the will of God.

Now, because I have heard a lot of gossip that this lady is saying behind my back, I know it’s time for me to make a move. God in his grace has secured a place for me in another city. Still in Florida, but about 30 minutes from where I now live. It’s amazing how you can make a sacrifice and it not really be appreciated. But I am not going to dwell on that. I know what I did was in obedience to God. But guess what? IT’S MY TIME!!

If my life doesn’t seem that interesting or glamorous, just keep watching. I am about to enter a new season and I believe that in this next season, all that has been laying dormant is about to come forth. I decree and declare that 2016 is indeed my year!! And if you can identify with anything I have said, let me tell you, open your mouth and declare that it’s your time too!

Psalm 126

Not Predicting, Just Sharing What I Saw

I didn’t think I would be back posting so soon, but then I remembered a prophetic word that I received earlier this week. God was letting me know that I was on assignment this week and to pay attention. I almost missed it. I have been actively ignoring something for a while now, for my own sanity. But I am good now. I feel unaffected by it now. I feel healed.

So I was talking about vision yesterday and if you have read my blog in the past you know I believe God showed me my future with a particular person (yeah, I know). I feel the same way. But I didn’t make this up, so who am I to argue.

The Lord showed it to me many years ago. God said I would see this man go through many relationships and that I would “speak” prophetically to the relationships, but in the end, he and I would be together. And the journey began.

Two weeks after I received that word he announced publicly that he had a girlfriend and that is pretty much how it’s been. Me, looking and watching from afar. But then God told me he was going to connect me with someone who knew what was going on in his inner circle and God would show me some things and that happened. Oh but wait, before that God said he would give me a means of communicating with him, which was shown to me in a dream and that happened. You see this man was not in my circle and he is at a different status level.

I can’t tell you everything that has been shown to me and confirmed, but the main part that was shown to me was that he would get tangled up with a friend of mine and come very close to marrying her. This was revealed through the dreams of a couple of friends. Well this has indeed happened. He says she is the love of his life, so who am I to argue? But this has been a very hard pill to swallow. But strangely, it’s been part of the plan.

They have not met yet, but it seems they are about to. But God showed me they wouldn’t or so that is my interpretation of the dream I had. Now this may seem strange to some, but I know if I didn’t have all these warnings, dreams and visions, I would not have had the grace to hold on this long until he and I met.

So what do I do when it seems that my vision will end in another way? All I can do is watch and see. I know I cannot stop two people who seem to want to be together from getting together. Only God can do that. God told me, he spoke to this man about me, but he rejected it and my friend told me God spoke to her about ANOTHER man, but they both seem to be drawn to each other. So we will see.

I feel different now. This past week God has awakened and warned me that this was coming. Whether it will happen is up to God. I am not making any predictions. I am just sharing what I saw years ahead of time.

I had a dream a while ago. I saw my friend happy to be meeting this man. As she started on her journey, she was happy, but just when she was about to meet him, he turned into Michael Jackson. I have never once thought it meant he would die. I always felt, it meant, her chances of meeting him were like her chances of meeting Michael Jackson.

Is this an attempt to stop something from happening? No it’s not. I know that is not possible anyway. Just an attempt to share what I see. I’m on assignment.

Habakkuk 2:3 New King James Version (NKJV)

³ For the vision is yet for an appointed time;
But at the end it will speak, and it will not lie.
Though it tarries, wait for it;
Because it will surely come,
It will not tarry.

Blurred Vision

I don’t post like I used to. But I was thinking about vision recently and wanted to share my thoughts.

A spiritual vision, given to a person by God is a very private and interesting thing. It’s very personal. God does speak to people and show and reveal his plans for the future to them. He did it during the Bible days and He still does it to this day. What I have learned about vision is that God will show you His intention. What he wants to see happen. His Will for our lives. But we have free will and can choose to go in another direction. When we do, we suffer the consequences of our choice.

Vision can become blurred. God may speak to our hearts and the situation may go the opposite of what we were shown, or the cares of life may choke out our ability to see, or we may lose desire for what God has spoken. Anything can happen and trust me anything will happen.

The greater the vision, the greater the opposition. Then the enemy and the flesh will get us to try to bury or ignore God’s will. I had a dream recently that someone I know was trying their best to forget or ignore what God told them. But I love the way God has a way of reminding us of what HE has spoken. If it’s God’s plan, it will come to pass, provided we cooperate.

Vision is given to keep us on track. It comes to keep us from moving in the wrong direction. And if our vision is blurred, God will send the prophetic, so that we can see clearly again. Trust me, God will get us on track.

It’s okay if your vision get’s blurred. It happens. But get back on track quickly so you don’t go too far down the wrong road and pay for it later.

Habakkuk 2:2 New International Version (NIV)

The Lord’s Answer

² Then the Lord replied: “Write down the revelation and make it plain on tablets so that a herald[a] may run with it.

Don’t Lose in the End

I haven’t posted in a while, but felt I wanted to today. Life changes and sometimes our priorities shift. At one time writing on this blog was a priority. Not so much now. But every once in a while, I do feel led to come back.

Recently, I was playing this game on my phone called Farmville Country Escape. I play it on my down time when I am sitting in the car waiting, or when I take my client to the doctor and have a long wait. A lot of people play Farmville and this is a phone version, but a little different.

Well recently I was playing it and I had gotten my tasks completed rather quickly with the exception of one task. Everything was prepared and suddenly just when I almost got the reward, I ran out of time. I did not complete the task in a timely fashion. This happened twice. Now it was just a game, but I was bummed out because I worked hard to complete the task, but in the end, I missed out on the reward of all my hard work.

If you have read my blog, you know that I can get a message out of almost anything. But this hit me in the pit of my stomach because I felt it was a message for me and it may be for someone else. It’s kind of self-explanatory. Basically, God does not want us to put in the necessary work and then miss out on the reward in the end. Whether that is physical work, spiritual work, prayer or fasting. Don’t get to the end and miss out!

On a Personal Note..lol

I did want to say this…in the past I have used this blog as a place to vent about my life. It did resonate with some people, but if I could turn back the hands of time, I would never have shared anything about vision.

Vision is such a personal thing and it’s so  fragile. Whether it’s a vision about a business, having a house, a family etc, my recommendation is keep it to yourself. If you put it out there it can change the entire trajectory of where God wants it to go. And ladies, whatever you do, DO NOT share anything of a personal nature about a specific mate on a blog, or to a person. Trust me you will live to regret it.

I look back now and view it all as a waste of time. It may not have been, but it certainly feels like it. I think my sharing did more damage than Good. When God spoke to Mary, the mother of Jesus, she quietly pondered those things in her heart. She didn’t broadcast them and even if you don’t mean it that way, it will come across that way.

As for me and Boaz (whoever that is) I am praying for God’s perfect will to be done in my life. If that includes a husband, nice. But if it doesn’t include one, maybe even better. I don’t think I have the gift to be single, but time is late and I may be able to coast on into eternity without a mate (my best friend HATES to hear me say that) lol.

One thing I do know is that your mate will want to be with you and if he doesn’t, he is not the one. You won’t have to convince him of who he is and if God’s speaks to him and he says no, God will send you someone better. That’s is all I have to say about this subject. I’m going to try to get to “Caitlynn Jenner” soon.

Luke 2:19New King James Version (NKJV)

¹⁹ But Mary kept all these things and pondered them in her heart.