Losing My Soulmate?

So people who know and understand the prophetic, understand that God can show you things in real-time or events that are to come. So let me share my latest revelation.

I have never really believed in the concept of soulmates, until lately. Soulmates are often thought of as a perfect match in a love story. But I will be honest with you, I do feel it’s not that common, so if God blesses you with that kind of relationship or promises you that kind of connection, don’t let it go.

Recently, I had a dream that my soulmate was turning in another direction towards someone else and he just shrugged his shoulders, and was willing to settle, and gave up on us. I woke up slightly disturbed because God deals with me heavily in dreams. So maybe there is someone out there who believes I am their soulmate, who is about to give up? There might be 2 possibilities. One man I am interested in and one I absolutely positively am not interested in at all, never, forever. lol

This past Friday, I went to a Jazz concert after work. I received free tickets from my job and almost forgot about it until my boss reminded me. I am so glad I went. I definitely feel I was supposed to be there. While I was sitting there I was checking my phone quickly and saw this post:

I’m not sure why, but this post got my attention. Still thinking about my dream I wondered will offense play a part in the loss of my soulmate? Is he moving on? I don’t know why all this came rushing to my mind. At that point, the artist on stage started singing this song:

This just grabbed my heart! Yes! Let’s stay together! The one thing that we must understand about relationships is that being a soulmate doesn’t mean you won’t get upset with one another and sometimes fighting mad!

I’m not a Beyonce fan, but I have to admit I do admire her ability for forgiveness. It’s not a secret that her husband was in the streets while they were married, and he talked about his realization of hurting the one he loved. It’s her love for him that helped her to make the decision (yes she decided) to forgive him and stay married. I’ve always felt this couple were soulmates.

So what happens when you hurt someone or have been the recipient but you know the love is there?

Again, there will be many times when you will hurt one another and have to forgive. And often you won’t even know what you did. And sometimes you will. But no matter what forgiveness and hanging in there is the key.

It was like a picture was being painted as these songs were being performed at the concert. Then after Sweet Love came Purple Rain. I looked at the first line of lyrics and they said:

Lyrics

I never meant to cause you any sorrow
I never meant to cause you any pain
I only wanted one time to see you laughing

I won’t post that song because the first few lyrics are the ones that really got my attention.

I came home from the concert feeling like I never would want to purposely hurt the one I love, but I know even with soulmates, it will happen. What proves that you are soulmates is your capacity to forgive and NOT move on to someone else.

Hopefully, this ministered to someone. I know that night at the concert definitely ministered to me.

Aged Out

I used to blog here quite often, but now I find myself blogging when something is weighing heavy on my heart. I spent years and years on here talking about my vision of becoming a wife. Recently, I was talking to someone online and I thought that my dream might be realized, but unfortunately everything crashed and burned as usual.

It became very clear to me that the person I was chatting with, was trying to back out, because our chats became less and less frequent until finally they were nonexistent. My responses and conversations would go unanswered. Sadly, this had become a pattern, and I guess this was the persons way of bowing out, not so gracefully. Then I saw this quote:

After reading that quote, I decided to block this gentleman. Me being a prophetic person, it became very clear and apparent to me that the person may have found someone else which is fine, but I kind of wish they had just left me alone, because I had a little hope. Hope that maybe there could be a future.

Once it became obvious to me that the circumstance had changed and after I blocked the person, later on, I felt the need to share some truths with the individual so I unblocked them and shared my heart. After I did that for the past day or two I felt somewhat sad about the entire situation, but God quickly spoke to me through the mouth of a prophet, and said “you are feeling emotional, but this time you have to keep your heart out of it and not allow your emotions to get involved in it. Wow! This Word was quick and precise and I realize God doesn’t want me to go through any emotional turmoil over this thing. I have to finally let it go because in the past this would have floored me.

After years of trust in God, and having an expectation of being married, I have really come to the conclusion that it may never happen. And the reason is because I have reached a certain age in life where it is less likely that I will have a husband. Reality is that even men who are 50 and above still want younger women. If the man is in his 50s, he can marry someone in their late 30s early 40s and still start a family but if you are a woman who is 50 and above, there is the disadvantage of not being able to have children, so you are less likely to be chosen.

Now I have to say that with God, all things are possible because in 2021 I had three friends all over 50 who got married. One got married for the third time, another one got married for the second time, and finally another one got married for the first time, and she married a man who is younger than her.

I didn’t always worry about my age because people tell me all the time I look much younger than what the number is. The other day, a life insurance agent came to my office to deliver a check that I got from the death of an older lady I was taking care of, and while he was there, he tried to get me to sign up for life insurance. When he asked me about my date of birth, and I told. he was truly shocked, and actually thought that I had given him the wrong year, lol. There is a blessing to looking young for your age but the reality is you still are the age that you are.

The older I get the more I realize that time flies and we have to make conscious decisions and that we definitely can’t afford to make mistakes. So therefore, we must listen to God, and make our choices based on his wisdom, and not our own.

I feel like I’ve been on a very long journey; a 20 year journey to be exact and unfortunately, I don’t think that I am going to be married, and the reason is simply, because I feel like I have aged out. So what happens at this point? What happens is I am going to let all of those hopes fall to the ground and die. I will never set my sights on any specific person ever again, and if I do marry, it will be a pleasant surprise.

Last year in the month of May a very well known Bishop, who was actually on a reality show ended up getting married for the second time at the age of 72. And of course his beautiful wife even though she is an older woman she is 20 years younger than him. Their journey played out on that reality TV show and at the end you would’ve thought there would be no way that this man would’ve ever married her. His heart was hardened, and even though they had a close, friendship and business relationship, you could tell that he had no interest in marrying her at the time. Fast forward I want to say about 20 years later, and he proposes to her in his pulpit and they have a beautiful wedding and many celebrations, and start a life together.

At the time that I watched this all play out on YouTube, I had so much hope because the woman’s journey had been so long and I could identify. Unfortunately, a year later all of my hope is gone. But I am grateful that I no longer feel the emotions of it and for the first time in a very long time I can truly say that I have let it and him go.

I was talking to an old friend of mine and she said something that was a great reminder. She said marriage is temporal and it’s only for here on earth. When we get to heaven, there will be no marriage and so when you put things into perspective if you don’t marry here on earth, it’s not such a terrible thing.

A couple years ago, I had a dream about someone that I knew from the past, and he proposed to me, but I really had no interest in him, but I found myself agreeing to marry him in order not to make him feel bad. This would be the worst case scenario, because if God allows you to get married, and if a man finds and chooses you, you should only do it for love. I believe that dream was given to tell me so that I will not settle if the opportunity presents itself and that’s what we all should do. Wait for the will of God and love. THE END.

Three Warnings/I Missed Them All

What a day! A friend of mine is here in Florida from New York because of her job and we were supposed to meet up for dinner this evening. So another friend offered me the use of her car so I could meet up with my visiting friend and honestly I had already planned to take the bus, but I accepted the offer to use her car. Big mistake.

Long story short I had an accident in Walmart’s parking lot and hit someones car as I was backing out of the parking spot. The car that I was driving sits up a little higher than what I am used to. It’s a Nissan Rouge and strangely enough the car has rear view cameras and I still didn’t see the person I hit! But it is what it is and now I will more than likely end up having to come out of my pocket to pay for the repairs. But that is not what I am upset about.

You see, God gave me 3 warnings to get me to avoid this accident and I missed all three. I know this may seem strange to some people and to other’s you may be able to identify. Warning number one: When my friend offered me the car and I got off the phone after accepting her offer, I felt troubled in my spirit. I mean heavily burdened. I recognized the burden, but didn’t get a clear understanding of what the burden was for. But I did get a fleeting thought that maybe I shouldn’t use the car.

Second warning: On the morning of the accident, I was going to Bible Study before my work from home job and I felt led to ask the lady who usually picks me up, to do so anyway even though the car I borrowed was parked down stairs in the parking lot. But I felt guilty for asking her to come to get me when I had the use of a car. But the Lord was prompting me to do so and I didn’t listen.

Third warning: I pulled into Walmart’s parking lot because I needed some cash back, but immediately felt to pull out the space and leave BEFORE I went in the store, but I ignored the prompting. That was my last warning because when I came out I backed out and hit another car. Bummer.

Of course no one wants to have an accident, especially not while using another persons car. I believe this was a learning experience and a reminder to be more sensitive and to pay attention to the still small voice of the Holy Spirit and obey!

1 Kings 19:11-13 New King James Version (NKJV)

God’s Revelation to Elijah

¹¹ Then He said, “Go out, and stand on the mountain before the Lord.” And behold, the Lord passed by, and a great and strong wind tore into the mountains and broke the rocks in pieces before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind; and after the wind an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake; ¹² and after the earthquake a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire; and after the fire a still small voice.

Course Corrections

Hearing from God is never easy. Even for people who feel as though they have a good track record in this area. I kind of feel that way. I have a good track record, but God recently showed me that I misunderstood what He was saying to me.

Recently I shared about moving and it all stemmed from me misinterpreting what God was saying to me. It wasn’t that God wasn’t speaking, it was just that I didn’t understand him.

I had tried to move to Georgia in the past and God spoke clearly and said “This is the place (Florida)  where your miracle is going to happen, this is the place where your prophecy is going to come to pass” and the minister tacked on: “and you don’t have to run up to Atlanta”. That word stands strong and clear. It still applies to this day.

So one night the Lord directed me to leave the television on (the Christian Station) and I woke up hearing Pastor John Gray share how he and his wife both moved to Atlanta and met in church. Well I assumed God was telling me that I needed to move, but what I now know is that God was simply telling me I would meet my mate in church! Simple enough. But I ran off on a tangent about Atlanta again.

So I hadn’t been able to get to my church regularly and started to visit another church on occasion and also was watching online and I started thinking that I was going to make the new church my home church. Long story short, through a series of unusual circumstances the Lord showed me that I am to return to my former church and that is where His promises will come to past. I had misinterpreted what God was saying, but the Lord got me back on track.

Not sure what God is saying? Keep asking, keep praying and more than anything ask for understanding. He will make His Will CLEAR!

Proverbs 3:6 King James Version (KJV)

⁶ In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.

A New Memo

I remember years ago hearing a preacher say “check your mail because God has sent a new memo”. I can so identify with that statement because I feel as though I have gotten a new memo.

First, let me start by saying I have no problem saying I’m wrong about something, but I am pretty sure the Lord was prompting me to move and trying to see about my willingness about a move, but in the past week all of that has changed. Let’s say I thought that was what God was saying and was going to be both willing and obedient. But things suddenly changed and we can get new memos from God each and every day.

Let me say this. As far as I know, I am not going to be moving. I am not sure if someone is praying against my move, but I am not going. Honestly, when I said I was moving, I really didn’t have anything in mind other than obedience. I didn’t have a person in mind, I just had a vision of what God showed me the morning I woke up and saw Pastor John Gray saying he moved to Atlanta and so did his mate and that is where they connected. But I honestly did not and do not have the who in the vision. I felt I did a very long time ago, but I am wise enough to realize that the person I thought God was speaking to me about has no interest and honestly I have no interest in hanging onto someone who does not want me. That is simply not Gods will. In order for two people to marry, they both need to want to be together and that is just not the case. I’ve accepted that.

So looks like my new memo is saying to stay put. Actually, I am relieved about it. I remember years ago wanting to take a trip to Atlanta and fasting and praying and turning on Pastor Jentzen Franklin and hearing him say “this is the place where your miracle will happen, this is the place where your prophesy will come to pass, and God says you don’t have to run to Atlanta for it to happen”. lol I have held firmly to that word ever since and will continue to do so.

I don’t know if I received a new memo, or went back to the old one, but right now, I want to say, I am staying right here!

Maybe it was just a test. What do you think? Have you had the Lord do the same to you?

Selfish or Self-less?

In the last couple of days, two people have referred to me as being selfish. One person said it indirectly and the other said it directly. Of course when you hear things like that and you feel you aren’t selfish, you immediately get on the defensive. But I decided to not to do that when I heard it today.

The person that said it to me indirectly is the lady that I have been caring for, for 2 1/2 years now. I have served her and others have said “waited on her hand and foot”. I have cooked everyday, served her meals, cleaned the kitchen daily, taken her to her many doctors appointments, did the food shopping, picked up her meds and the list goes on. Instead of being paid, I have paid the utilities and given her money as well. Sound selfish?

I didn’t pay it much mind because I have finally decided to move away. I have been self-less for the past 10 years. When I moved to Florida from New York City, I became the caregiver for my Dad. After he died, I ended up being in the same situation, but I am finally letting go and moving on. This is why she is calling me selfish. I’ve decided to “get my life”. It’s laughable.

Today, I was referred to as being selfish because in the past, I was fighting for something that I thought God said was for me. At this point, I have let that go, but I am still very concerned for the person who I was fighting for. I’m glad this was communicated to me because you never know how someone is thinking until they tell you.

Here is the deal. I want the person free and happy period. I am very clear that it would be nothing more than that. And one thing I do know. God has spoken about my role to help, so I believe that person knows that I am a friend and not a foe. So I can be lied on and maligned, it doesn’t matter. When the dust settles, I am a friend who knows that I can help and the time is now.

I did think about what was said, and I can see why a person would say “well you only want to help me because you are thinking how it will benefit you”. That was not my mindset ever, from my perspective. But I can help and move on. I know I can. Too much has happened for this to be a blessing, at least in my mind. If a man makes it clear he has no intention of making you a part of his life, there is nothing left to do but accept it. But I think we can see other people and still be a friends.

Selfish? I think not. Try self-less? My problem is I need to be more selfish.