Life, Death, that Virus and the New Normal Pt. 1

I was struggling with the title of this post because I have so much to write. A lot of it is personal, but how could anyone write a blog post without mentioning the dramatic changes that have come to our lives and the entire world.

I’ve had some dramatic changes recently, in losing my two oldest siblings within four months. My oldest brother had a stroke nine years before passing and he succumbed to complications last October. But the shocker was my sister. Even though she was 16 years older than me, and I am no spring chicken, she had dreams and visions and plans for the future, but she left here suddenly.

I was prompted to write today because I was going through some of my sister’s pictures that I took from her place when my brothers and I cleaned out her apartment. As I went through the photo albums, I pulled out the pictures of her and decided to throw the rest of the photos away. I started thinking that we accumulate all of this “stuff” only for people to toss it in the trash after we die. My sister never had any children, and a lot of her photos have no meaning to me. She took oversees trips, she had pictures of her ex-husbands family and I am sure some of those pictures would bring back nice memories for her, but now that she is gone, those photos have no meaning.

Ah, life…we struggle to make a name or not, accumulate wealth or not and then we die and family get’s what is left. My sister named me as a secondary representative to handle her estate in her Will, second to my brother who just passed away. She didn’t have time to change anything and I’m sure she was not thinking she was going to die. The process of probate has been a nightmare. My sister did not have much money and so far I have spent almost $1,000 dollars just to be named executor of her estate and file the paperwork with the courts. And I am still not done! Ah, life…and then death.

It’s important to have everything together as far as estate planning and a Will. I think by the age of 30, that should be done. It makes it so much easier for those who are left behind. My sister wanted to be buried, but she borrowed against her Life Insurance Policy and once repaid, it left very little to bury her the way she wanted. I know it’s controversial for Christians, but I made the decision to have her cremated. The truth is I had no choice. It was all I could afford to do. So if you want certain things done at the time of death, make financial provision for it.

My sister was a bit of a hermit. My father had her and my oldest brother who died in 2007 before he married my mother. Together my mom and dad had six more children. So there were eight of us. Now there are are only five of us. After I moved to Florida, I learned my sister had been abused as a child, more than once. The first time was by a cousin and the other time, she never said. Once she told me that, I finally understood why she acted so strange over the years and stayed to herself. She always stayed away for long periods of time and then we would see her again. Even while living here in Florida that is the way she functioned. The sad part is she was never healed. And she died alone. The paramedics said that she was probably lying on the floor for three or more days. Her apartment complex finally did a wellness check because she was late paying her rent and she was never late. Plus a package was delivered and it sat outside of her door for several days.

I know this is a sad story, but I am sharing it because sometimes we never let people in. Not even our family and then we come to a tragic end. My sister was planning a move to California. But I remember when she told me the Lord spoke to me and told me “that is not going to happen.”. I just assumed it meant she would change her mind. Not that she would die. Her walls were lined with boxes for years, planning for a move that never materialized. I guess I am sharing this because it’s now or never for some of us. Either we are going to get in place or get out of stuff that we shouldn’t be in, or just forfeit the promise. Don’t die without seeing your promise!

Hebrews 11:13, NASB: “All these died in faith, without receiving the promises, but having seen them and having welcomed them from a distance, and having confessed that they were strangers and exiles on the earth.” Hebrews 11:13, NLT:

RIP Sis!

 

About My Relocation

The past few months have been tumultuous! My spirit has been doing flip-flops! I believe God was trying to get me to a place of surrender concerning the next phase of my life.

Many years ago, when God brought me to Florida (where I currently live), I always knew it was going to be a temporary place. I moved here because God shut some doors and sent me here and I ended up caring for my father until the end of his life. Initially, I said I would return to New York (my home city) when that happened, but I ended up staying 6 more years. I’m been in Florida a total of 12 years now and I can sense that this season is just about over.

I feel that God is leading me to another place and I do believe that place is Atlanta, Georgia. Years ago, I had one focus for my move, but today I feel quite different. I have a vision to work in real estate, own rental properties and flip houses and honestly, I have considered doing that here, but my city is filled with old houses. I figured out long ago that this is not the place.

Since God reignited my vision, I have been looking at Atlanta Georgia properties and it’s clear to me that this is definitely the place where my vision will come to pass. Every day when I get my notifications from Trulia (a real estate site) I am filled with excitement. I know God has a purpose for me to move to that city and I am excited.

Recently, all of my holiday plans have changed. I ended up getting an unexpected vacation from work this week and my friend who was coming for Christmas won’t be here until after Christmas. I was sitting on pins and needles trying to figure out how quickly I can make this move. I’m not sure, but time will tell. It could be soon and it could be early next year. I am okay with whatever God says. Timing is everything.

My life is in His hands. I am no longer anxious or focused on the things I used to be focused on. I figure that whatever God’s greater plan is, it can happen while I am pursuing my dreams. I just need to be in the right place at the right time and that is where I plan to be.

Not Predicting, Just Sharing What I Saw

I didn’t think I would be back posting so soon, but then I remembered a prophetic word that I received earlier this week. God was letting me know that I was on assignment this week and to pay attention. I almost missed it. I have been actively ignoring something for a while now, for my own sanity. But I am good now. I feel unaffected by it now. I feel healed.

So I was talking about vision yesterday and if you have read my blog in the past you know I believe God showed me my future with a particular person (yeah, I know). I feel the same way. But I didn’t make this up, so who am I to argue.

The Lord showed it to me many years ago. God said I would see this man go through many relationships and that I would “speak” prophetically to the relationships, but in the end, he and I would be together. And the journey began.

Two weeks after I received that word he announced publicly that he had a girlfriend and that is pretty much how it’s been. Me, looking and watching from afar. But then God told me he was going to connect me with someone who knew what was going on in his inner circle and God would show me some things and that happened. Oh but wait, before that God said he would give me a means of communicating with him, which was shown to me in a dream and that happened. You see this man was not in my circle and he is at a different status level.

I can’t tell you everything that has been shown to me and confirmed, but the main part that was shown to me was that he would get tangled up with a friend of mine and come very close to marrying her. This was revealed through the dreams of a couple of friends. Well this has indeed happened. He says she is the love of his life, so who am I to argue? But this has been a very hard pill to swallow. But strangely, it’s been part of the plan.

They have not met yet, but it seems they are about to. But God showed me they wouldn’t or so that is my interpretation of the dream I had. Now this may seem strange to some, but I know if I didn’t have all these warnings, dreams and visions, I would not have had the grace to hold on this long until he and I met.

So what do I do when it seems that my vision will end in another way? All I can do is watch and see. I know I cannot stop two people who seem to want to be together from getting together. Only God can do that. God told me, he spoke to this man about me, but he rejected it and my friend told me God spoke to her about ANOTHER man, but they both seem to be drawn to each other. So we will see.

I feel different now. This past week God has awakened and warned me that this was coming. Whether it will happen is up to God. I am not making any predictions. I am just sharing what I saw years ahead of time.

I had a dream a while ago. I saw my friend happy to be meeting this man. As she started on her journey, she was happy, but just when she was about to meet him, he turned into Michael Jackson. I have never once thought it meant he would die. I always felt, it meant, her chances of meeting him were like her chances of meeting Michael Jackson.

Is this an attempt to stop something from happening? No it’s not. I know that is not possible anyway. Just an attempt to share what I see. I’m on assignment.

Habakkuk 2:3 New King James Version (NKJV)

³ For the vision is yet for an appointed time;
But at the end it will speak, and it will not lie.
Though it tarries, wait for it;
Because it will surely come,
It will not tarry.

Blurred Vision

I don’t post like I used to. But I was thinking about vision recently and wanted to share my thoughts.

A spiritual vision, given to a person by God is a very private and interesting thing. It’s very personal. God does speak to people and show and reveal his plans for the future to them. He did it during the Bible days and He still does it to this day. What I have learned about vision is that God will show you His intention. What he wants to see happen. His Will for our lives. But we have free will and can choose to go in another direction. When we do, we suffer the consequences of our choice.

Vision can become blurred. God may speak to our hearts and the situation may go the opposite of what we were shown, or the cares of life may choke out our ability to see, or we may lose desire for what God has spoken. Anything can happen and trust me anything will happen.

The greater the vision, the greater the opposition. Then the enemy and the flesh will get us to try to bury or ignore God’s will. I had a dream recently that someone I know was trying their best to forget or ignore what God told them. But I love the way God has a way of reminding us of what HE has spoken. If it’s God’s plan, it will come to pass, provided we cooperate.

Vision is given to keep us on track. It comes to keep us from moving in the wrong direction. And if our vision is blurred, God will send the prophetic, so that we can see clearly again. Trust me, God will get us on track.

It’s okay if your vision get’s blurred. It happens. But get back on track quickly so you don’t go too far down the wrong road and pay for it later.

Habakkuk 2:2 New International Version (NIV)

The Lord’s Answer

² Then the Lord replied: “Write down the revelation and make it plain on tablets so that a herald[a] may run with it.

On a Personal Note..lol

I did want to say this…in the past I have used this blog as a place to vent about my life. It did resonate with some people, but if I could turn back the hands of time, I would never have shared anything about vision.

Vision is such a personal thing and it’s so  fragile. Whether it’s a vision about a business, having a house, a family etc, my recommendation is keep it to yourself. If you put it out there it can change the entire trajectory of where God wants it to go. And ladies, whatever you do, DO NOT share anything of a personal nature about a specific mate on a blog, or to a person. Trust me you will live to regret it.

I look back now and view it all as a waste of time. It may not have been, but it certainly feels like it. I think my sharing did more damage than Good. When God spoke to Mary, the mother of Jesus, she quietly pondered those things in her heart. She didn’t broadcast them and even if you don’t mean it that way, it will come across that way.

As for me and Boaz (whoever that is) I am praying for God’s perfect will to be done in my life. If that includes a husband, nice. But if it doesn’t include one, maybe even better. I don’t think I have the gift to be single, but time is late and I may be able to coast on into eternity without a mate (my best friend HATES to hear me say that) lol.

One thing I do know is that your mate will want to be with you and if he doesn’t, he is not the one. You won’t have to convince him of who he is and if God’s speaks to him and he says no, God will send you someone better. That’s is all I have to say about this subject. I’m going to try to get to “Caitlynn Jenner” soon.

Luke 2:19New King James Version (NKJV)

¹⁹ But Mary kept all these things and pondered them in her heart.

Vision?

In the past, I have shared on this blog, a vision about a mate, that I believed God gave me, It was a very long journey that recently ended, when this man made his choice and said that he knew who God has sent him as his wife and it wasn’t me. Case closed. The end.

I am a woman with tenacious faith, but where it comes to a man selecting a wife, that is where my faith ends. Yes, I could keep proclaiming what I feel God is saying because I feel the scenario fits, but I think it would be futile. After all we are dealing with the will of a man. God never forces anything on us and especially in the area of marriage. No man or woman is going to marry someone by force. Men and women marry because they feel that they love each other and want to spend the rest of their lives together. Me holding on, is not wise. I don’t believe for a minute that God is requiring that or me and so, I have and am moving on as best as I can. This couple feel God has divinely placed them together, so who am I to argue?

It’s days like today that have the ability to throw me back into that mode of believing, but trust me that is NOT what I want to do and it’s not what I have wanted to do in a long time. A woman deserves to be loved and cherished and not rejected and pushed away and I have been rejected and pushed away, which is fine. I truly believe God has someone else for me.

So this morning I woke up after having 3 dreams. That last one was about my best friend but the first one was about the vision man. In that dream I was sitting in what looked to be a community center, with round tables like that was a banquet. I was aware that the woman this man says he is in love with was there. I could see her out of the corner or my eye, although we did not greet one another.

The vision man came in and he looked over towards the one he loved. They had not met each other yet, so he looked from afar and then walked away and then came back. Meanwhile, I was sitting talking to Britney Spears. Mid-conversation, she jumped up and ran out of the venue to throw up. I immediately thought she was pregnant. Earlier, Brittany came in and was talking to the vision man. They conversed as though they knew each other.

Well the vision man started talking to the woman who he is in love with from a distance, but he came and stood right next to me. I also heard him say something to her about her shoes, but by then he was acting as though they were already married even though they weren’t.

Well I woke up from the dream only to “hear” a bunch of stuff proclaiming that the vision man  has made his choice and was already happily married etc, etc. When I first woke up, I didn’t understand the dream because I have ALREADY accepted the inevitable about him marrying someone else, so why would God be showing me what I already believe is going to happen? Well I believe God was preparing me for what I was about to hear/see.

The next part of the dream was baffling to me. I saw some white wolves and they were climbing up the side of the building that I grew up in. I was in one of the rooms that was once my room. Upstairs the wolves were literally scaling the walls. trying to get into the upstairs apartment. In the dream my family and I hid ourselves from the wolves.

I began to pray and ask God about this dream he led me to look up wolf and the definition said that a white wolf represents victory and valor. Well low and behold the wolves were trying to get in the upstairs neighbors house and in the dream I remember telling someone the JACKSON family used to live upstairs. When I woke up and started thinking I remembered my Michael Jackson dream. In the dream the female party of this couple was coming to meet the vision man and he turned into Michael Jackson. I always felt it meant they would not meet.

Now this is not witchcraft or  voodoo (I have been accused of that). This is just dreams that God gave me.

Is God telling me there is still hope? Is the Lord telling me I have the victory and I need to be brave in this battle? Is God reminding me what he showed me in the Michael Jackson dream. Can’t say I am sure. I thought this was over. But is it really over?

In the dream when the vision man stood right next to me, I thought he did it on purpose to taunt me. When I looked up the word standing, it meant to take a stand. When I heard/saw what I did in the natural, part of me felt it was to throw out at me or it was especially to get my attention, but I don’t know. It’s still very odd to me that this has all played out publicly in cyberspace. People do things for a reason.

Even if something catastrophic took place between these two (not wishing it on them) there is one problem that I have, and that is me. My wounds are so deep I don’t think I could accept this. But that is probably NOT what God is saying, so I will be just fine.

Whatever happens, I will be happy for them. I only want God’s perfect will! From the outside, it looks like the perfect love story, but I know the behind the scenes and it’s not. But if they have found true love that holds up outside of cyberspace, God bless them. My life will go on and I will be JUST FINE! And God will have someone better!

Isaiah 46:10 New International Version (NIV)

¹⁰ I make known the end from the beginning,
    from ancient times, what is still to come.
I say, ‘My purpose will stand,
    and I will do all that I please.’