Life, Death, that Virus and the New Normal Pt. 1

I was struggling with the title of this post because I have so much to write. A lot of it is personal, but how could anyone write a blog post without mentioning the dramatic changes that have come to our lives and the entire world.

I’ve had some dramatic changes recently, in losing my two oldest siblings within four months. My oldest brother had a stroke nine years before passing and he succumbed to complications last October. But the shocker was my sister. Even though she was 16 years older than me, and I am no spring chicken, she had dreams and visions and plans for the future, but she left here suddenly.

I was prompted to write today because I was going through some of my sister’s pictures that I took from her place when my brothers and I cleaned out her apartment. As I went through the photo albums, I pulled out the pictures of her and decided to throw the rest of the photos away. I started thinking that we accumulate all of this “stuff” only for people to toss it in the trash after we die. My sister never had any children, and a lot of her photos have no meaning to me. She took oversees trips, she had pictures of her ex-husbands family and I am sure some of those pictures would bring back nice memories for her, but now that she is gone, those photos have no meaning.

Ah, life…we struggle to make a name or not, accumulate wealth or not and then we die and family get’s what is left. My sister named me as a secondary representative to handle her estate in her Will, second to my brother who just passed away. She didn’t have time to change anything and I’m sure she was not thinking she was going to die. The process of probate has been a nightmare. My sister did not have much money and so far I have spent almost $1,000 dollars just to be named executor of her estate and file the paperwork with the courts. And I am still not done! Ah, life…and then death.

It’s important to have everything together as far as estate planning and a Will. I think by the age of 30, that should be done. It makes it so much easier for those who are left behind. My sister wanted to be buried, but she borrowed against her Life Insurance Policy and once repaid, it left very little to bury her the way she wanted. I know it’s controversial for Christians, but I made the decision to have her cremated. The truth is I had no choice. It was all I could afford to do. So if you want certain things done at the time of death, make financial provision for it.

My sister was a bit of a hermit. My father had her and my oldest brother who died in 2007 before he married my mother. Together my mom and dad had six more children. So there were eight of us. Now there are are only five of us. After I moved to Florida, I learned my sister had been abused as a child, more than once. The first time was by a cousin and the other time, she never said. Once she told me that, I finally understood why she acted so strange over the years and stayed to herself. She always stayed away for long periods of time and then we would see her again. Even while living here in Florida that is the way she functioned. The sad part is she was never healed. And she died alone. The paramedics said that she was probably lying on the floor for three or more days. Her apartment complex finally did a wellness check because she was late paying her rent and she was never late. Plus a package was delivered and it sat outside of her door for several days.

I know this is a sad story, but I am sharing it because sometimes we never let people in. Not even our family and then we come to a tragic end. My sister was planning a move to California. But I remember when she told me the Lord spoke to me and told me “that is not going to happen.”. I just assumed it meant she would change her mind. Not that she would die. Her walls were lined with boxes for years, planning for a move that never materialized. I guess I am sharing this because it’s now or never for some of us. Either we are going to get in place or get out of stuff that we shouldn’t be in, or just forfeit the promise. Don’t die without seeing your promise!

Hebrews 11:13, NASB: “All these died in faith, without receiving the promises, but having seen them and having welcomed them from a distance, and having confessed that they were strangers and exiles on the earth.” Hebrews 11:13, NLT:

RIP Sis!

Younger Helen

 

The Kind Of Man I Desire

receprionist I started a new job in June and I am loving where I am working right now! We are a very productive office, but there is a lot of joy and laughter where I am working. The other thing that I am enjoying is meeting a lot of interesting men surrounding work. None of them are eligible, but they are all different and interesting. It just seems like God wants to me pay attention to the type of man I desire. I am learning what I do and do not want.

First let’s start with the man that lives in my building. I think I mentioned him in another blog. Let’s call him Joe. Well I didn’t realize it for a while, but I now see that Joe is really interested in me. I mentioned before that I was not interested, but recently I had to admit to my girlfriends that I am both attracted to him and flattered by his attention. Now, that does not mean I am interested in a relationship, it just means I think he is handsome.

Joe has done a few things that have completely turned me off. I think I mentioned this before, but one day I needed help with my groceries, but he refused to help. I realize he was looking for something in return. He couldn’t just be a gentlemen and help me with my groceries from the taxi to the elevator. Recently, Joe decided to do volunteer work at my job. Coincidence? I don’t think so. As soon as I told him where I was working he ended up volunteering there, the very next week after I told him. Then recently, we hadn’t seen each other for a while (I come in at 1:00 PM and he works in the morning) and the next time I saw him, he complimented me on my new hair style and lipstick and told me how much he had missed me. But even though I am flattered by handsome Joe’s attention, he still is not my cup of tea. One quality I want is a man who is naturally a gentlemen, meaning he doesn’t have to be told and doesn’t have to work at it. That is just who he is. Joe is not that.

So next there is someone else at work who we will call Kevin. He is a hard-working, handsome man who is very friendly, even flirty, but he flirts with a lot of woman. Recently, he introduced me to his “woman” who he explained to me was only his woman from 6:00 PM to 9:00 AM in the morning! Can you imagine a man saying that?? What’s crazy, is she is a beautiful young woman, but he is still not satisfied. So what do I see in Kevin that’s interesting? Well he really is a great conversationalist. I realize that I absolutely love to listen to an interesting man talk!

Now I know Kevin says crazy things on occasion. He told me a tall tale on Friday and I believed every word and then he told me it wasn’t true. lol But I still love having conversations with him. He took the time to explain to me how men think as opposed to women and it was interesting. Very insightful! I love that quality about Kevin. I wouldn’t do well with a man who cannot stimulate me with great conversation. But Kevin is a player or it’s least that is what he exhibits and I want a man who is faithful. I enjoy talking to Kevin, but I doubt he is faithful.

Finally there is Jimmy who was my job counselor. He was the man who was instrumental in me getting into the place where I am working now. I think I also mentioned him previously. He is married and I rarely see him now. Now physically, I am not as attracted to him as the other men. But honestly he is probably most like what I want spiritually. He talks about the Lord with ease and has a relationship with God. But it’s not just all spiritual. But he is most like me. Spiritual is who we are and so it’s easy to talk to someone like this. Both Joe and Kevin go to church, but they are different. But if Jimmy was single, I would definitely be able to settle down with this type of man.

The rest of the guys at the job are very young. Too young to consider, but they are still interesting. They are mostly looking for attention which I won’t give to them because I am old enough to be their mother. One of them wants to be called “Big Sexy” or Mr. XXX and the other one is always saying “it’s hard to stay sexy”. lol It’s really hilarious. But I ignore that because I just won’t go there.

So there it is. I am learning. I can’t wait to meet the man who I can connect with on all levels. Spiritually, a great conversationalist and good to look at. So what do I have to offer? I think I have a lot to offer. I am am intelligent, a great talker, highly organized and a good cook with old school values. I’ve been called “pretty” all of my life. But, sadly, I still feel I have not “arrived” yet. I need a little more time. But when he comes, I plan to be ready!!

When You’re Not Interested

See the source imageSo there is man that lives in my building and he is interested in me, but I am not interested in him. He’s not bad looking and he’s funny but we just don’t have much in common. And there is no spiritual connection at all. He would be a nice friend, but I know he is looking for more than friendship.

Sometimes  when you are bored or lonely you find yourself considering people that you probably should not. But I realize that if I go out with him, he will get the wrong impression and think that I am interested, but the truth is I’m not. I’m flattered, but just not interested.

I have a counselor in my building who I see occasionally (for the services my building offers) and he is a married man, but he would be more of what I am looking for in a mate. He has a strong relationship with God and we connect (friend-wise) on that level. I thank God that he is my counselor because through him, I have learned what I am really looking for. And don’t worry. I have zero feelings for this man. He is my counselor and friend and like a brother. A brother-in-Christ.

I am not looking for a mate. I am looking to be found. But I am looking for certain qualities in a mate and I rarely meet men who I connect with. It’s rare. I believe God has someone for me and I realize my spirit has been somewhere else for a long time, but again, I am looking to be found. I am working hard preparing for that, but I definitely don’t want to lead anyone on when I am not interested.

If you are thinking about passing the time with someone who you know you don’t want to be with, don’t do it. Boredom is not a good reason to date because you may end up hurting someone and creating false hope.

Proverbs 18:22 New King James Version (NKJV)

22 He who finds a wife finds a good thing,
And obtains favor from the Lord.

Hebrews 13:4 King James Version (KJV)

Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.

This is Interesting

So a few days ago, I posted two videos of my favorite YouTube families. (Yes, I need a life…haha) I am going to post a video for all of the families I watch occasionally and regularly. One day I realized everyone of those families included an African/and or African American wife and a Caucasian husband. Honestly that is pretty much all I see where it comes to interracial couples on YouTube.

Suddenly, I started thinking that maybe there was a reason why I was drawn to these videos and perhaps my future mate is Caucasian. After all the last two men who asked me to go on a date were Caucasian men. So here I was beginning to move toward that mindset when suddenly the Lord reminded me of a prophetic word I received many years ago. The word specifically said my husband was a Black man who everyone was wondering who he would marry. Yep, that was the word.

Not to be deep and spiritual. Just something interesting. Below is a sampling of the families I watch regularly and occasionally. Take a look. lol