Life, Death, that Virus and the New Normal Pt. 1

I was struggling with the title of this post because I have so much to write. A lot of it is personal, but how could anyone write a blog post without mentioning the dramatic changes that have come to our lives and the entire world.

I’ve had some dramatic changes recently, in losing my two oldest siblings within four months. My oldest brother had a stroke nine years before passing and he succumbed to complications last October. But the shocker was my sister. Even though she was 16 years older than me, and I am no spring chicken, she had dreams and visions and plans for the future, but she left here suddenly.

I was prompted to write today because I was going through some of my sister’s pictures that I took from her place when my brothers and I cleaned out her apartment. As I went through the photo albums, I pulled out the pictures of her and decided to throw the rest of the photos away. I started thinking that we accumulate all of this “stuff” only for people to toss it in the trash after we die. My sister never had any children, and a lot of her photos have no meaning to me. She took oversees trips, she had pictures of her ex-husbands family and I am sure some of those pictures would bring back nice memories for her, but now that she is gone, those photos have no meaning.

Ah, life…we struggle to make a name or not, accumulate wealth or not and then we die and family get’s what is left. My sister named me as a secondary representative to handle her estate in her Will, second to my brother who just passed away. She didn’t have time to change anything and I’m sure she was not thinking she was going to die. The process of probate has been a nightmare. My sister did not have much money and so far I have spent almost $1,000 dollars just to be named executor of her estate and file the paperwork with the courts. And I am still not done! Ah, life…and then death.

It’s important to have everything together as far as estate planning and a Will. I think by the age of 30, that should be done. It makes it so much easier for those who are left behind. My sister wanted to be buried, but she borrowed against her Life Insurance Policy and once repaid, it left very little to bury her the way she wanted. I know it’s controversial for Christians, but I made the decision to have her cremated. The truth is I had no choice. It was all I could afford to do. So if you want certain things done at the time of death, make financial provision for it.

My sister was a bit of a hermit. My father had her and my oldest brother who died in 2007 before he married my mother. Together my mom and dad had six more children. So there were eight of us. Now there are are only five of us. After I moved to Florida, I learned my sister had been abused as a child, more than once. The first time was by a cousin and the other time, she never said. Once she told me that, I finally understood why she acted so strange over the years and stayed to herself. She always stayed away for long periods of time and then we would see her again. Even while living here in Florida that is the way she functioned. The sad part is she was never healed. And she died alone. The paramedics said that she was probably lying on the floor for three or more days. Her apartment complex finally did a wellness check because she was late paying her rent and she was never late. Plus a package was delivered and it sat outside of her door for several days.

I know this is a sad story, but I am sharing it because sometimes we never let people in. Not even our family and then we come to a tragic end. My sister was planning a move to California. But I remember when she told me the Lord spoke to me and told me “that is not going to happen.”. I just assumed it meant she would change her mind. Not that she would die. Her walls were lined with boxes for years, planning for a move that never materialized. I guess I am sharing this because it’s now or never for some of us. Either we are going to get in place or get out of stuff that we shouldn’t be in, or just forfeit the promise. Don’t die without seeing your promise!

Hebrews 11:13, NASB: “All these died in faith, without receiving the promises, but having seen them and having welcomed them from a distance, and having confessed that they were strangers and exiles on the earth.” Hebrews 11:13, NLT:

RIP Sis!

Younger Helen

 

It’s My Time/And Yours Too!

its_time

Have any promises of God that you are waiting on? Tired of waiting? Hardly believing anymore? Well I want to encourage and tell you that it’s your time.

I’m starting to a see a glimpse of light at the end of a very long tunnel. Some of you have been blessed to have seen many breakthroughs. I am happy for you! But there are those of us who have waited and waited and waited some more and I tell you it’s not fun.

Lately, I am seeing a little bit of a breakthrough in the area of work. For me the struggle has been real and as I look back I realize that some people are 9-5 people and others are not and you have to find your niche. I have never been a 9-5 office type person. I realized recently that I wanted to be like my mom. I wanted to get married, have 6 kids (yes 6) and be a stay at home mom. But it never happened and I didn’t really have a back up plan. But don’t feel sorry for me. The one thing I am proud of is that I answered the call of God on my life and put other things secondary. But now I am seeing a change.

So my biggest breakthrough has been being able to work from home. Some people need the office politics and banter and so on and so forth, but I have always wanted to work from home and last year, my brother started paying me to do research for his business right from my home!! I am so happy. And right now I am training for another position at another company doing social media research, right from home. Honestly, I am living my dream right now. No travel, no care fare, no office drama. Not for everyone, but it’s for me. And there is more to come!!

I realize that things are really beginning to change and it’s all about coming into your Kairos moment. That is that opportune time when God is manifesting what you want. It’s your set time. Your appointed time.

It’s been a long time coming and I’ve often wondered if I missed God and maybe I have missed some opportunities, but I just know “It’s my time!” And it’s yours too! Don’t give up!!

Stay tuned! There is more to come!

Psalm 102:13 New International Version (NIV)

13 You will arise and have compassion on Zion,
for it is time to show favor to her;
the appointed time has come.

Entering Into His Rest

Rest-in-God-sliderRecently something happened that challenged something God told me. It made me very nervous and concerned. But that is part for the course when you are waiting for the promises of God. But when challenged, all you need to do is go to God in prayer which is exactly what I did.

Well the Lord answered me, so precisely and strongly that it changed something inside of me permanently. I realize that there is a season in which you enter into God’s rest and you don’t come out of it.

The LORD’S answer finalized something for me once and for all and all I have to say is that, there will be no more fighting, no more contending and no more fear. God’s promises are going to come to pass. Period case closed.

When God shows you something, it’s for a season of time. Many things may take place before that happens. But it does not in anyway negate the promise of God. In fact some things must take place before you receive your promise or promises (because God has promised us many things).

Whether it’s healing, wealth, salvation of loved one, ministry or career, there may be some things that must come to pass BEFORE your promises manifest. Don’t be discouraged by what you see or hear. God know exactly what He is doing.

Sometimes we have to go around the same mountain of hurt, pain and devastation until we learn those lessons once and for all. But it’s all good! God is good!

Hebrews 4:9-11 Amplified Bible (AMP)

So there remains a [full and complete] Sabbath rest for the people of God. 10 For the one who has once entered His rest has also rested from [the weariness and pain of] his [human] labors, just as God rested from [those labors uniquely] His own. 11 Let us therefore make every effort to enter that rest [of God, to know and experience it for ourselves], so that no one will fall by following the same example of disobedience [as those who died in the wilderness].

Not Predicting, Just Sharing What I Saw

wpid-future-vision.jpgI didn’t think I would be back posting so soon, but then I remembered a prophetic word that I received earlier this week. God was letting me know that I was on assignment this week and to pay attention. I almost missed it. I have been actively ignoring something for a while now, for my own sanity. But I am good now. I feel unaffected by it now. I feel healed.

So I was talking about vision yesterday and if you have read my blog in the past you know I believe God showed me my future with a particular person (yeah, I know). I feel the same way. But I didn’t make this up, so who am I to argue.

The Lord showed it to me many years ago. God said I would see this man go through many relationships and that I would “speak” prophetically to the relationships, but in the end, he and I would be together. And the journey began.

Two weeks after I received that word he announced publicly that he had a girlfriend and that is pretty much how it’s been. Me, looking and watching from afar. But then God told me he was going to connect me with someone who knew what was going on in his inner circle and God would show me some things and that happened. Oh but wait, before that God said he would give me a means of communicating with him, which was shown to me in a dream and that happened. You see this man was not in my circle and he is at a different status level.

I can’t tell you everything that has been shown to me and confirmed, but the main part that was shown to me was that he would get tangled up with a friend of mine and come very close to marrying her. This was revealed through the dreams of a couple of friends. Well this has indeed happened. He says she is the love of his life, so who am I to argue? But this has been a very hard pill to swallow. But strangely, it’s been part of the plan.

They have not met yet, but it seems they are about to. But God showed me they wouldn’t or so that is my interpretation of the dream I had. Now this may seem strange to some, but I know if I didn’t have all these warnings, dreams and visions, I would not have had the grace to hold on this long until he and I met.

So what do I do when it seems that my vision will end in another way? All I can do is watch and see. I know I cannot stop two people who seem to want to be together from getting together. Only God can do that. God told me, he spoke to this man about me, but he rejected it and my friend told me God spoke to her about ANOTHER man, but they both seem to be drawn to each other. So we will see.

I feel different now. This past week God has awakened and warned me that this was coming. Whether it will happen is up to God. I am not making any predictions. I am just sharing what I saw years ahead of time.

I had a dream a while ago. I saw my friend happy to be meeting this man. As she started on her journey, she was happy, but just when she was about to meet him, he turned into Michael Jackson. I have never once thought it meant he would die. I always felt, it meant, her chances of meeting him were like her chances of meeting Michael Jackson.

Is this an attempt to stop something from happening? No it’s not. I know that is not possible anyway. Just an attempt to share what I see. I’m on assignment.

Habakkuk 2:3 New King James Version (NKJV)

For the vision is yet for an appointed time;
But at the end it will speak, and it will not lie.
Though it tarries, wait for it;
Because it will surely come,
It will not tarry.

Vision?

IMG_8005In the past, I have shared on this blog, a vision about a mate, that I believed God gave me, It was a very long journey that recently ended, when this man made his choice and said that he knew who God has sent him as his wife and it wasn’t me. Case closed. The end.

I am a woman with tenacious faith, but where it comes to a man selecting a wife, that is where my faith ends. Yes, I could keep proclaiming what I feel God is saying because I feel the scenario fits, but I think it would be futile. After all we are dealing with the will of a man. God never forces anything on us and especially in the area of marriage. No man or woman is going to marry someone by force. Men and women marry because they feel that they love each other and want to spend the rest of their lives together. Me holding on, is not wise. I don’t believe for a minute that God is requiring that or me and so, I have and am moving on as best as I can. This couple feel God has divinely placed them together, so who am I to argue?

It’s days like today that have the ability to throw me back into that mode of believing, but trust me that is NOT what I want to do and it’s not what I have wanted to do in a long time. A woman deserves to be loved and cherished and not rejected and pushed away and I have been rejected and pushed away, which is fine. I truly believe God has someone else for me.

So this morning I woke up after having 3 dreams. That last one was about my best friend but the first one was about the vision man. In that dream I was sitting in what looked to be a community center, with round tables like that was a banquet. I was aware that the woman this man says he is in love with was there. I could see her out of the corner or my eye, although we did not greet one another.

The vision man came in and he looked over towards the one he loved. They had not met each other yet, so he looked from afar and then walked away and then came back. Meanwhile, I was sitting talking to Britney Spears. Mid-conversation, she jumped up and ran out of the venue to throw up. I immediately thought she was pregnant. Earlier, Brittany came in and was talking to the vision man. They conversed as though they knew each other.

Well the vision man started talking to the woman who he is in love with from a distance, but he came and stood right next to me. I also heard him say something to her about her shoes, but by then he was acting as though they were already married even though they weren’t.

Well I woke up from the dream only to “hear” a bunch of stuff proclaiming that the vision man  has made his choice and was already happily married etc, etc. When I first woke up, I didn’t understand the dream because I have ALREADY accepted the inevitable about him marrying someone else, so why would God be showing me what I already believe is going to happen? Well I believe God was preparing me for what I was about to hear/see.

The next part of the dream was baffling to me. I saw some white wolves and they were climbing up the side of the building that I grew up in. I was in one of the rooms that was once my room. Upstairs the wolves were literally scaling the walls. trying to get into the upstairs apartment. In the dream my family and I hid ourselves from the wolves.

I began to pray and ask God about this dream he led me to look up wolf and the definition said that a white wolf represents victory and valor. Well low and behold the wolves were trying to get in the upstairs neighbors house and in the dream I remember telling someone the JACKSON family used to live upstairs. When I woke up and started thinking I remembered my Michael Jackson dream. In the dream the female party of this couple was coming to meet the vision man and he turned into Michael Jackson. I always felt it meant they would not meet.

Now this is not witchcraft or  voodoo (I have been accused of that). This is just dreams that God gave me.

Is God telling me there is still hope? Is the Lord telling me I have the victory and I need to be brave in this battle? Is God reminding me what he showed me in the Michael Jackson dream. Can’t say I am sure. I thought this was over. But is it really over?

In the dream when the vision man stood right next to me, I thought he did it on purpose to taunt me. When I looked up the word standing, it meant to take a stand. When I heard/saw what I did in the natural, part of me felt it was to throw out at me or it was especially to get my attention, but I don’t know. It’s still very odd to me that this has all played out publicly in cyberspace. People do things for a reason.

Even if something catastrophic took place between these two (not wishing it on them) there is one problem that I have, and that is me. My wounds are so deep I don’t think I could accept this. But that is probably NOT what God is saying, so I will be just fine.

Whatever happens, I will be happy for them. I only want God’s perfect will! From the outside, it looks like the perfect love story, but I know the behind the scenes and it’s not. But if they have found true love that holds up outside of cyberspace, God bless them. My life will go on and I will be JUST FINE! And God will have someone better!

Isaiah 46:10 New International Version (NIV)

10 I make known the end from the beginning,
    from ancient times, what is still to come.
I say, ‘My purpose will stand,
    and I will do all that I please.’