When It Doesn’t Make Sense

This morning I woke up and started my day, not going to church, but watching a ministry online and then praying and then going to the Facebook page of a friend who recently got married in late August.

As I paged through the new photos and older photos of her wedding and 3-phase honeymoon for probably the 4th time, I couldnt help but smile. For some reason I feel joy and a connection to this particular friend. We worked together decades ago and all though we are not close at all, I am so happy for her. She was engaged to a man who jilted her shortly before they were supposed to get married and he married someone else. I remember sharing a video with her about Kingdom marriage coming and how hesitant she was to receive it, but just a few months later she met her now husband.

I have 3 friends who I have been closer too in the past, all over 50 who have gotten married in the last few months. Two of them have been married before and have children, and the one I just mentioned is like me. Never been married with no children.

I have never been the one who was jealous when my friends got married. I’ve watched countless friend marry and I’ve always been happy and supportive and hopeful that it would one day be my time, but now at this age and stage of life, I often wonder, what is the point?

Yes, I want companionship and I always wanted to have a large family, but now that I am past the age to bear children I just don’t get it anymore. I know I could marry and inherit children and that would be great, but now I am at the point where it all just doesn’t make sense anymore. You see I am older than the 3 friends that I mentioned and I feel I am at the age where nobody will marry me.

I recently had a dream that I went to a church that I used to go to decades ago and the Pastor (who is single) asked me to marry him. I remember in the dream being surprised and giving in to his proposal (accepting it) because I felt sorry for him. In other words, I settled for who I really did not want. He and I have a history and when we didn’t get married years ago, I felt God spoke clearly and let me know we would not be together. I also shared the dream with him (we have been in contact loosely, nothing romantic). He never responded, but I kind of felt I should share it because I felt the dream was about more of what he may have been feeling.

I guess you may being thinking “she has a lot of nerve”. lol But even when things don’t make sense, it doesn’t mean you should settle for anything. All of the friends that married recently have beautiful stories of God bringing them their “right” husband and that is what I want.

I just felt like blogging my feelings today. I don’t know if it will help anyone, but I think I needed to write out how I was feeling. I think I am deeply disappointed in God and myself. I know marriage isn’t everything, but it was a desire for me and I believe for most Christian women and to reach this point and not be married is sad. But I will continue to move forward and work on me. If it’s in God’s plan it will come and if it’s not, I will somehow make myself content.

Kingdom Marriages are Coming!!

I had just about given up concerning marriage, but then I heard this! I hope this encourages you like it did me.

When You’re Not Interested

So there is man that lives in my building and he is interested in me, but I am not interested in him. He’s not bad looking and he’s funny but we just don’t have much in common. And there is no spiritual connection at all. He would be a nice friend, but I know he is looking for more than friendship.

Sometimes  when you are bored or lonely you find yourself considering people that you probably should not. But I realize that if I go out with him, he will get the wrong impression and think that I am interested, but the truth is I’m not. I’m flattered, but just not interested.

I have a counselor in my building who I see occasionally (for the services my building offers) and he is a married man, but he would be more of what I am looking for in a mate. He has a strong relationship with God and we connect (friend-wise) on that level. I thank God that he is my counselor because through him, I have learned what I am really looking for. And don’t worry. I have zero feelings for this man. He is my counselor and friend and like a brother. A brother-in-Christ.

I am not looking for a mate. I am looking to be found. But I am looking for certain qualities in a mate and I rarely meet men who I connect with. It’s rare. I believe God has someone for me and I realize my spirit has been somewhere else for a long time, but again, I am looking to be found. I am working hard preparing for that, but I definitely don’t want to lead anyone on when I am not interested.

If you are thinking about passing the time with someone who you know you don’t want to be with, don’t do it. Boredom is not a good reason to date because you may end up hurting someone and creating false hope.

Proverbs 18:22 New King James Version (NKJV)

²² He who finds a wife finds a good thing,
And obtains favor from the Lord.

Hebrews 13:4 King James Version (KJV)

⁴ Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.

Pop Culture

I used to do this regularly, but since I’ve not been blogging regularly, I’ve stopped, but today let’s talk about pop culture.

Facebook is still very popular despite it’s problems with fake news and lack of privacy, but one problem that still is a problem is fake pages. Celebrity fake pages and ministry fake pages. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had someone befriend me who claimed to be a well-known minister and the next thing you know they are asking you for money. I usually string them along and then let them have it! lol Then I report them to Facebook.

Yesterday a friend sent me a link to a fake page for entertainment mogul Tyler Perry. She was all excited because the post said that he was giving out $100.00 to the first hundred that followed his instructions. I don’t even remember what you were required to do, but I told my friend that it was fake and I had received something similar a while back. I think she was a little skeptical of me more than the fake post because she wanted the money. lol She kept saying that she was probably too late to receive the $100.00 and then she proceeded to post it to her Facebook page against my warning. Long story short the next day Tyler Perry posted this and asked people to share it and that’s why I posting this here. Don’t fall the scams!

 

Later, while I was paging through another social media site, I saw a picture of actress Lisa Raye and to my shock and dismay she has recently become engaged to a random stranger on a TV show called the Proposal. It comes on right behind the Bachelor, but I made up my mind that I would not watch it because I felt it made a mockery of marriage. What is the world coming to? That’s just my opinion!

 

 

Prepared

 

I meant to blog about this several weeks ago, but now that things have died down, I have decided to blog about this anyway. So what am I talking about? I’m talking about the Royal Wedding!

The whole world watched Prince Harry marry his bi-racial bride in a breathtaking wedding. I thought it was extraordinary! I mean, I heard everyone talking about this wedding. This was a beautiful love story between two unlikely persons and we all got swept away by it. I even heard my 60-year old divorced Pastor say their story made him want to find love again.

But what really got my attention was how prepared Megan Markle (now the Duchess of Sussex) was to walk into her new role. She was prepared, emotionally, physically and even through her life experiences. They say she and Prince Harry bonded over their shared interest in humanitarian work.

This started me to thinking how unprepared I truly am for someone to come into my life. For me the wait for a mate has been so incredibly long that I have really pretty much given up, and kind of let myself go. But I must say Meghan got my attention and made me want to try to prepare once again.

When I thought about writing this blog, I always wanted to share about the Royal Wedding from this point of view. And whether it’s a marriage or a business or whatever God has promised you, you must be prepared. This is my summer of extreme preparation. It’s now or never!! I’ll end with this little letter and song.

Dr. Future Husband,

I don’t know where you are, but I pray that when you come I will be fully prepared and all that you have been waiting for. If God allows us to marry, I promise that I will appreciate the gift of love and marriage and I will appreciate you! God willing, I will see you one day soon my Prince!

Dear No One

I’m done naming and claiming a mate. God knows who he is and where he is. This song is for you: