The Real Tragedy of Suicide

Anthony_BourdainWhenever I hear about someone ending their own life, I get a sick queasy feeling in the pit of my stomach. When a person ends their life, its sad because they did not have to die, but they decided to die.

I understand that people get depressed and I had a friend explain to me that the despair is something that overtakes you and it hard to come back from. I have been depressed, but never that depressed. I have thought I wanted to die, but I’ve never attempted to end my own life. But I am not here to debate or discuss depression. I know it’s a real thing.

The real hurt of suicide is that I know that there was an answer for that person, but they just didn’t know it, or didn’t believe it or receive it, or didn’t want it. The answer is a personal relationship with Jesus. No that is not a pat answer, but a beginning. I knew a young woman who backslid and took her life, so this is not a simple answer.

This past week celebrity chef Anthony Bourdain, ended his own life and the world was shocked. I am familiar with him, because he was occasionally on a cooking competition show that I watch called Top Chef.  Of course everyone was shocked because this man was rich, famous and seemed to have everything that most people strive for. But it’s real simple. None of that is the answer to life.

This is not going to be a long post. Just a plea. If you are someone that feels like they want to end their life, I want you to know GOD is your answer!

Ask God to help you and pray these two prayers:

The Sinner’s Prayer (by Dr. Ray Pritchard)

Lord Jesus, for too long I’ve kept you out of my life. I know that I am a sinner and that I cannot save myself. No longer will I close the door when I hear you knocking. By faith I gratefully receive your gift of salvation. I am ready to trust you as my Lord and Savior. Thank you, Lord Jesus, for coming to earth. I believe you are the Son of God who died on the cross for my sins and rose from the dead on the third day. Thank you for bearing my sins and giving me the gift of eternal life. I believe your words are true. Come into my heart, Lord Jesus, and be my Savior. Amen

Father God,
The darkness has taken hold me and I can’t find my way back to the light. In this moment, ending it all seems like the best option, the only option, the only way to escape. Yet, there is something in me that wants your light to snuff out the darkness. So I ask, Lord, that you would do just that. You are the only light that can shine in the darkness.
I know when I’m consumed with thoughts of death I’m believing lies from the enemy. I ask Lord that you would remind me of these truths: when I feel alone, you are with me; when I feel invisible, you see me; when I feel worthless, my value is knowing you and being known by you.
Lord, help me to understand that you are enough, because you are everything I need and more.
Remind me that when I feel hopeless, you have hope in me and for me. Remind me that when I don’t have the words to cry out to you, your son Jesus is praying for me, and your Spirit intercedes for me with groanings too deep for words. Let this remind me that I am seen, heard and deeply loved.
I often feel out of place in this world. I don’t fit in and I’m not sure I want to. Remind me that this world is not my home and while, as your child, I will never fit in here, my time here isn’t over. Not yet. Please, give me the desire to live.
When I feel like I don’t matter, remind me that I was created with purpose. When I don’t know or understand why I feel the way I feel – remind me that you know the depth of pain in my heart, in my body and in my being. You know me better than I know myself… and yet you still love me.
When I feel like my death would go unnoticed because my life seems to go by uncelebrated,
remind me that you celebrate me and that you hurt for me when I’m in this dark place.
Remind me that I am fearfully and wonderfully made, and I am worth more than I know.
Remind me that this life is not mine to take.
Remind me that suicide is not the only option.
Remind me to love you and to love myself.
As I say these words I know in my heart that you love me and I feel incredible guilt for wanting to take the life you gave me. I feel embarrassed to admit these thoughts to you. I feel overwhelmed that you know these thoughts without my even saying them, and yet you still love me.
Remind me that Jesus did not come to earth and die for me so that I could live a defeated life. Help me to desire life and to live fully in you.
In Jesus precious name, Amen.

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline


Selfish or Self-less?

In the last couple of days, two people have referred to me as being selfish. One person said it indirectly and the other said it directly. Of course when you hear things like that and you feel you aren’t selfish, you immediately get on the defensive. But I decided to not to do that when I heard it today.

The person that said it to me indirectly is the lady that I have been caring for, for 2 1/2 years now. I have served her and others have said “waited on her hand and foot”. I have cooked everyday, served her meals, cleaned the kitchen daily, taken her to her many doctors appointments, did the food shopping, picked up her meds and the list goes on. Instead of being paid, I have paid the utilities and given her money as well. Sound selfish?

I didn’t pay it much mind because I have finally decided to move away. I have been self-less for the past 10 years. When I moved to Florida from New York City, I became the caregiver for my Dad. After he died, I ended up being in the same situation, but I am finally letting go and moving on. This is why she is calling me selfish. I’ve decided to “get my life”. It’s laughable.

Today, I was referred to as being selfish because in the past, I was fighting for something that I thought God said was for me. At this point, I have let that go, but I am still very concerned for the person who I was fighting for. I’m glad this was communicated to me because you never know how someone is thinking until they tell you.

Here is the deal. I want the person free and happy period. I am very clear that it would be nothing more than that. And one thing I do know. God has spoken about my role to help, so I believe that person knows that I am a friend and not a foe. So I can be lied on and maligned, it doesn’t matter. When the dust settles, I am a friend who knows that I can help and the time is now.

I did think about what was said, and I can see why a person would say “well you only want to help me because you are thinking how it will benefit you”. That was not my mindset ever, from my perspective. But I can help and move on. I know I can. Too much has happened for this to be a blessing, at least in my mind. If a man makes it clear he has no intention of making you a part of his life, there is nothing left to do but accept it. But I think we can see other people and still be a friends.

Selfish? I think not. Try self-less? My problem is I need to be more selfish.

A Revelation

Helping-HandSeveral years back the Lord spoke to me through the story of Deborah and Barak. The story is in Judges chapter 4 if you want to read it. But to sum it up, God used Deborah to help Barak win a battle but he refused to go without Deborah.  Sometimes you will encounter situations like that. God will call you alongside someone as they come out of  something.

When God first spoke to me through this story I didn’t know what it was about, but recently in the last year or so, I felt that when the time was right God wanted me to help someone come out a relationship in which they were in too deep and didn’t know how to come out of. Now this is a very hard situation because when helping someone in a situation like that, it must be clear that the person is ready to come out. I think they may be, but there are mixed message. I am going to do a little more praying about this one, because in order for me to “walk alongside someone” to help, I can’t deal with someone who is vacillating.

Are you ready to move on from something? If so, God will send you the help you need, but you must be ready to let go. Make up your mind now, that you are leaving it all behind. So with that in mind, I’m going to start a series of blogs about how to come out of certain situations and STAY OUT. God told me yesterday, I was not done. It’s back to work. Ready or not here it comes. God wants me to share this: Get ready because God says IT’S TIME. Continuing to encourage something that is not ordained of Him is going to bring great consequences. It has already gone on too long. You won’t get out without consequences, but continuing will only bring a greater disaster, maybe even suicide or death! This is serious. It’s time to heed what God has said.

Finally,  here is a disclaimer. This is in no way a form of manipulation. If it were left up to me, I wouldn’t even be bothered, but I am obeying God. Remember this: THE CHOICE IS YOURS!

Judges 4:8

New King James Version (NKJV)

And Barak said to her, “If you will go with me, then I will go; but if you will not go with me, I will not go!”

A Nightmare

I  thought I followed God, but I have serious questions about it now. Yes, everyone says I did the right thing, but right now I am living in a nightmare.

Yes, it seems like my solution is simple, but it is not. By today, I will know if I will have two tenants. I’m desperate and it will be income. They seem like good kids. We will see. God’s will be done. Then the neighbor’s daughter may need a baby sister. Since they live right next door, I can care for him right in his familiar surroundings.

I had a 24 hr notice to pay my water bill. It’s never gotten to that point. Last year the contractor who did the repairs in my house told me, they will padlock your door if your water is turned off because it would be a health hazard. I can see that.

The bible is so true. Money answers all things. I have so many regrets, but perhaps these two things will help turn things around at least a bit. I never wanted to take anyone into my home, but I’ve been praying in the spirit two hours a day, so perhaps this is the answer.

I’ve only mentioned one of my issues. I’m too embarrassed to list them all. God help!! Yes, this is indeed a nightmare.

A New Assignment

I answered the call of God on my life many years ago, so that means I am called to do what God wants me to do. Every call is not about being in the pulpit. The prophetic call is more about following and proclaiming what God tells you to do.

Yesterday, I shared about letting go of the old and embracing the new, and in my case, it’s a continuation of the former assignment, but now it’s going to another level. I knew this season was coming and I sense it is here.

I knew God was calling me to help someone out of something, but I didn’t know the details of it when God first showed it to me. But recently God revealed the details of the new assignment and I am ready to obey. There is a sense of urgency, because if this issue is not dealt with very soon, someone stands to be ruined.

I’m reminded of Deborah and Barak in Judges 4. Deborah was a prophetess and a Judge with God given authority. Because of their sins, God allowed Israel to be conquered by King Jabin. The ruler of his army was Sisera. In the midst of them being conquered, the Israelites cried out to God for help.

Deborah was a woman of authority so she appointed Barak to go out and fight Sisera and his army. Barak only agreed to go if Deborah would go with him. God used Deborah as a support system and if you read the story, you see that Jabin, Sisera and the army were all defeated.

There are some battles that we will encounter in life, and we won’t be able to go through alone. That is when God sends someone along to help and see us through. And yes, in this case God used a woman. Some men have problems with that, but sometimes God will use a woman to help you out.

I know God is calling me to walk with someone through a great storm. I saw it many years ago and I sense that season is upon me. Barak trusted Deborah and sometimes we have to trust God and then trust who God tells us to trust. The Lord knows what he is doing and that is why he sometimes shows us the end at the beginning. Though the storm may be raging, you will make it to the other side…but only with that God-given help.

Judges 4:8-9

New International Version (NIV)

Barak said to her, “If you go with me, I will go; but if you don’t go with me, I won’t go.”

“Certainly I will go with you,” said Deborah. “But because of the course you are taking, the honor will not be yours, for the Lord will deliver Sisera into the hands of a woman.” So Deborah went with Barak to Kedesh.

The Power To Do

There are people in the world who have the power to make things happen for others in a big way. Most of us may not be able to do that, but we can do something during this holiday season for someone else. This is the time of the year when children give their parents their gift list and we spend a tremendous amount of time trying to figure out the perfect gift for our loved ones and friends. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE Christmas, but I am really travelling a different path lately.

Being isolated away from my family for the holidays while taking care of my Dad these past several years, has opened my eyes to a lot. I’ve met people who have spent their holidays alone and I’ve had a quite a few holidays when I didn’t even get one gift. But don’t feel sorry for me. I’ve had years and years of wonderful Christmases with my family. But I think I needed to experience the flip side to it.

I guess what I’m saying is, if it’s in your power to donate one toy, or buy one turkey or help out one family in need, please do so. The truth is most of us have enough and for Christmas we will just be adding more stuff to what we already have. I’m not saying you shouldn’t exchange gifts. I’m just saying think about someone else who is less fortunate during this season.

Through my difficult times, God has birthed the desire to help others within me. I know there are times when people need help. And they don’t need judgment either, they just need a temporary hand up. Remember we all have the power to do. What are you doing to help someone else this Christmas?

Proverbs 19:17 Amplified Bible (AMP)
17He who has pity on the poor lends to the Lord, and that which he has given He will repay to him.

Below are photos from my churches annual Table in the Wilderness, which a Thanksgiving giveaway for the needy.
Find out how much God has given you
and from it take what you need;
the remainder is needed by others.
~Saint Augustine