The Kind Of Man I Desire

receprionist I started a new job in June and I am loving where I am working right now! We are a very productive office, but there is a lot of joy and laughter where I am working. The other thing that I am enjoying is meeting a lot of interesting men surrounding work. None of them are eligible, but they are all different and interesting. It just seems like God wants to me pay attention to the type of man I desire. I am learning what I do and do not want.

First let’s start with the man that lives in my building. I think I mentioned him in another blog. Let’s call him Joe. Well I didn’t realize it for a while, but I now see that Joe is really interested in me. I mentioned before that I was not interested, but recently I had to admit to my girlfriends that I am both attracted to him and flattered by his attention. Now, that does not mean I am interested in a relationship, it just means I think he is handsome.

Joe has done a few things that have completely turned me off. I think I mentioned this before, but one day I needed help with my groceries, but he refused to help. I realize he was looking for something in return. He couldn’t just be a gentlemen and help me with my groceries from the taxi to the elevator. Recently, Joe decided to do volunteer work at my job. Coincidence? I don’t think so. As soon as I told him where I was working he ended up volunteering there, the very next week after I told him. Then recently, we hadn’t seen each other for a while (I come in at 1:00 PM and he works in the morning) and the next time I saw him, he complimented me on my new hair style and lipstick and told me how much he had missed me. But even though I am flattered by handsome Joe’s attention, he still is not my cup of tea. One quality I want is a man who is naturally a gentlemen, meaning he doesn’t have to be told and doesn’t have to work at it. That is just who he is. Joe is not that.

So next there is someone else at work who we will call Kevin. He is a hard-working, handsome man who is very friendly, even flirty, but he flirts with a lot of woman. Recently, he introduced me to his “woman” who he explained to me was only his woman from 6:00 PM to 9:00 AM in the morning! Can you imagine a man saying that?? What’s crazy, is she is a beautiful young woman, but he is still not satisfied. So what do I see in Kevin that’s interesting? Well he really is a great conversationalist. I realize that I absolutely love to listen to an interesting man talk!

Now I know Kevin says crazy things on occasion. He told me a tall tale on Friday and I believed every word and then he told me it wasn’t true. lol But I still love having conversations with him. He took the time to explain to me how men think as opposed to women and it was interesting. Very insightful! I love that quality about Kevin. I wouldn’t do well with a man who cannot stimulate me with great conversation. But Kevin is a player or it’s least that is what he exhibits and I want a man who is faithful. I enjoy talking to Kevin, but I doubt he is faithful.

Finally there is Jimmy who was my job counselor. He was the man who was instrumental in me getting into the place where I am working now. I think I also mentioned him previously. He is married and I rarely see him now. Now physically, I am not as attracted to him as the other men. But honestly he is probably most like what I want spiritually. He talks about the Lord with ease and has a relationship with God. But it’s not just all spiritual. But he is most like me. Spiritual is who we are and so it’s easy to talk to someone like this. Both Joe and Kevin go to church, but they are different. But if Jimmy was single, I would definitely be able to settle down with this type of man.

The rest of the guys at the job are very young. Too young to consider, but they are still interesting. They are mostly looking for attention which I won’t give to them because I am old enough to be their mother. One of them wants to be called “Big Sexy” or Mr. XXX and the other one is always saying “it’s hard to stay sexy”. lol It’s really hilarious. But I ignore that because I just won’t go there.

So there it is. I am learning. I can’t wait to meet the man who I can connect with on all levels. Spiritually, a great conversationalist and good to look at. So what do I have to offer? I think I have a lot to offer. I am am intelligent, a great talker, highly organized and a good cook with old school values. I’ve been called “pretty” all of my life. But, sadly, I still feel I have not “arrived” yet. I need a little more time. But when he comes, I plan to be ready!!

The Real Tragedy of Suicide

Anthony_BourdainWhenever I hear about someone ending their own life, I get a sick queasy feeling in the pit of my stomach. When a person ends their life, its sad because they did not have to die, but they decided to die.

I understand that people get depressed and I had a friend explain to me that the despair is something that overtakes you and it hard to come back from. I have been depressed, but never that depressed. I have thought I wanted to die, but I’ve never attempted to end my own life. But I am not here to debate or discuss depression. I know it’s a real thing.

The real hurt of suicide is that I know that there was an answer for that person, but they just didn’t know it, or didn’t believe it or receive it, or didn’t want it. The answer is a personal relationship with Jesus. No that is not a pat answer, but a beginning. I knew a young woman who backslid and took her life, so this is not a simple answer.

This past week celebrity chef Anthony Bourdain, ended his own life and the world was shocked. I am familiar with him, because he was occasionally on a cooking competition show that I watch called Top Chef.  Of course everyone was shocked because this man was rich, famous and seemed to have everything that most people strive for. But it’s real simple. None of that is the answer to life.

This is not going to be a long post. Just a plea. If you are someone that feels like they want to end their life, I want you to know GOD is your answer!

Ask God to help you and pray these two prayers:

The Sinner’s Prayer (by Dr. Ray Pritchard)

Lord Jesus, for too long I’ve kept you out of my life. I know that I am a sinner and that I cannot save myself. No longer will I close the door when I hear you knocking. By faith I gratefully receive your gift of salvation. I am ready to trust you as my Lord and Savior. Thank you, Lord Jesus, for coming to earth. I believe you are the Son of God who died on the cross for my sins and rose from the dead on the third day. Thank you for bearing my sins and giving me the gift of eternal life. I believe your words are true. Come into my heart, Lord Jesus, and be my Savior. Amen

Father God,
The darkness has taken hold me and I can’t find my way back to the light. In this moment, ending it all seems like the best option, the only option, the only way to escape. Yet, there is something in me that wants your light to snuff out the darkness. So I ask, Lord, that you would do just that. You are the only light that can shine in the darkness.
I know when I’m consumed with thoughts of death I’m believing lies from the enemy. I ask Lord that you would remind me of these truths: when I feel alone, you are with me; when I feel invisible, you see me; when I feel worthless, my value is knowing you and being known by you.
Lord, help me to understand that you are enough, because you are everything I need and more.
Remind me that when I feel hopeless, you have hope in me and for me. Remind me that when I don’t have the words to cry out to you, your son Jesus is praying for me, and your Spirit intercedes for me with groanings too deep for words. Let this remind me that I am seen, heard and deeply loved.
I often feel out of place in this world. I don’t fit in and I’m not sure I want to. Remind me that this world is not my home and while, as your child, I will never fit in here, my time here isn’t over. Not yet. Please, give me the desire to live.
When I feel like I don’t matter, remind me that I was created with purpose. When I don’t know or understand why I feel the way I feel – remind me that you know the depth of pain in my heart, in my body and in my being. You know me better than I know myself… and yet you still love me.
When I feel like my death would go unnoticed because my life seems to go by uncelebrated,
remind me that you celebrate me and that you hurt for me when I’m in this dark place.
Remind me that I am fearfully and wonderfully made, and I am worth more than I know.
Remind me that this life is not mine to take.
Remind me that suicide is not the only option.
Remind me to love you and to love myself.
As I say these words I know in my heart that you love me and I feel incredible guilt for wanting to take the life you gave me. I feel embarrassed to admit these thoughts to you. I feel overwhelmed that you know these thoughts without my even saying them, and yet you still love me.
Remind me that Jesus did not come to earth and die for me so that I could live a defeated life. Help me to desire life and to live fully in you.
In Jesus precious name, Amen.

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

1-800-273-8255

About My Relocation

ISadk96e705d6e1000000000The past few months have been tumultuous! My spirit has been doing flip-flops! I believe God was trying to get me to a place of surrender concerning the next phase of my life.

Many years ago, when God brought me to Florida (where I currently live), I always knew it was going to be a temporary place. I moved here because God shut some doors and sent me here and I ended up caring for my father until the end of his life. Initially, I said I would return to New York (my home city) when that happened, but I ended up staying 6 more years. I’m been in Florida a total of 12 years now and I can sense that this season is just about over.

I feel that God is leading me to another place and I do believe that place is Atlanta, Georgia. Years ago, I had one focus for my move, but today I feel quite different. I have a vision to work in real estate, own rental properties and flip houses and honestly, I have considered doing that here, but my city is filled with old houses. I figured out long ago that this is not the place.

Since God reignited my vision, I have been looking at Atlanta Georgia properties and it’s clear to me that this is definitely the place where my vision will come to pass. Every day when I get my notifications from Trulia (a real estate site) I am filled with excitement. I know God has a purpose for me to move to that city and I am excited.

Recently, all of my holiday plans have changed. I ended up getting an unexpected vacation from work this week and my friend who was coming for Christmas won’t be here until after Christmas. I was sitting on pins and needles trying to figure out how quickly I can make this move. I’m not sure, but time will tell. It could be soon and it could be early next year. I am okay with whatever God says. Timing is everything.

My life is in His hands. I am no longer anxious or focused on the things I used to be focused on. I figure that whatever God’s greater plan is, it can happen while I am pursuing my dreams. I just need to be in the right place at the right time and that is where I plan to be.ISu0gl51zjoi6e1000000000

Things are Changing

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My computer

I was sitting here using my brand new computer when a Facebook friend messaged me and asked me if I was still blogging. After she asked me, it hit me like a ton of bricks that I no longer had to go to the library. My laptop died quite a while ago and I hadn’t been able to replace it so, I stopped blogging. But now I am in my apartment typing this blog. God has made all things new.

I know this is not such a big deal to some but it is to me. So much has changed for me lately, I realized God is making all things new. You see sometimes people see you in a certain season in your life and they look at you a certain way, but then suddenly things change.

When I move to Florida (where I now live) I worked at Office Depot, then I had to leave the job to care for my father who had Alzheimer’s. Sometimes people think it’s not a good thing to sacrifice your life, but the Bible is clear about honoring you parents. I’m glad I took care of my Dad. But unfortunately, I neglected myself.

After my father died, I started working at Macy’s as a bill collector, but at the same time I was having serious health challenges because of the neglect. (Be careful caregivers). I made the mistake of leaving the job and I say that because it was a huge mistake. I think if I had just pressed, it would have all worked out. My life spiraled, but in spite of it all God took care of me.

I ended up helping an elderly lady out for room and board and stayed with her for a few years. I thought I would never get out of the situation, but FINALLY, I got my own place. I am giving you my history because God is good.

Last week, I woke up to instructions and money from my brother to put on the cable/internet. Then on Tuesday I received a desk sent from my brother.  The next day, a computer arrived.  I am now working for my brother, right from my apartment. I started this past Monday. I get up, get a shower and get dressed just like I am going to work. And leave my bedroom and go to the living room. lol It’s wonderful. I’ve always wanted to work from home.

Things are changing. This month, or next month (I said October, but I may have to change my plans since I started working), I will be taking a trip. I know it is GOD-ORDAINED. I want to make sure my arrival is not too early or too late. God is up to something big. I can feel it. No need to worry. It’s all coming together and it’s all about timing. Things tend will come together at the right time, even when we think it’s late. Again, I will keep you posted.

I hope I didn’t bore anybody. lol If you find yourself in God’s waiting room, relax and just wait. Don’t get anxious. God hasn’t forgotten you. Things will change. Things are changing.

 

On a Personal Note..lol

I did want to say this…in the past I have used this blog as a place to vent about my life. It did resonate with some people, but if I could turn back the hands of time, I would never have shared anything about vision.

Vision is such a personal thing and it’s so  fragile. Whether it’s a vision about a business, having a house, a family etc, my recommendation is keep it to yourself. If you put it out there it can change the entire trajectory of where God wants it to go. And ladies, whatever you do, DO NOT share anything of a personal nature about a specific mate on a blog, or to a person. Trust me you will live to regret it.

I look back now and view it all as a waste of time. It may not have been, but it certainly feels like it. I think my sharing did more damage than Good. When God spoke to Mary, the mother of Jesus, she quietly pondered those things in her heart. She didn’t broadcast them and even if you don’t mean it that way, it will come across that way.

As for me and Boaz (whoever that is) I am praying for God’s perfect will to be done in my life. If that includes a husband, nice. But if it doesn’t include one, maybe even better. I don’t think I have the gift to be single, but time is late and I may be able to coast on into eternity without a mate (my best friend HATES to hear me say that) lol.

One thing I do know is that your mate will want to be with you and if he doesn’t, he is not the one. You won’t have to convince him of who he is and if God’s speaks to him and he says no, God will send you someone better. That’s is all I have to say about this subject. I’m going to try to get to “Caitlynn Jenner” soon.

Luke 2:19New King James Version (NKJV)

19 But Mary kept all these things and pondered them in her heart.