When You’re Not Interested

See the source imageSo there is man that lives in my building and he is interested in me, but I am not interested in him. He’s not bad looking and he’s funny but we just don’t have much in common. And there is no spiritual connection at all. He would be a nice friend, but I know he is looking for more than friendship.

Sometimes  when you are bored or lonely you find yourself considering people that you probably should not. But I realize that if I go out with him, he will get the wrong impression and think that I am interested, but the truth is I’m not. I’m flattered, but just not interested.

I have a counselor in my building who I see occasionally (for the services my building offers) and he is a married man, but he would be more of what I am looking for in a mate. He has a strong relationship with God and we connect (friend-wise) on that level. I thank God that he is my counselor because through him, I have learned what I am really looking for. And don’t worry. I have zero feelings for this man. He is my counselor and friend and like a brother. A brother-in-Christ.

I am not looking for a mate. I am looking to be found. But I am looking for certain qualities in a mate and I rarely meet men who I connect with. It’s rare. I believe God has someone for me and I realize my spirit has been somewhere else for a long time, but again, I am looking to be found. I am working hard preparing for that, but I definitely don’t want to lead anyone on when I am not interested.

If you are thinking about passing the time with someone who you know you don’t want to be with, don’t do it. Boredom is not a good reason to date because you may end up hurting someone and creating false hope.

Proverbs 18:22 New King James Version (NKJV)

22 He who finds a wife finds a good thing,
And obtains favor from the Lord.

Hebrews 13:4 King James Version (KJV)

Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.

Not Predicting, Just Sharing What I Saw

wpid-future-vision.jpgI didn’t think I would be back posting so soon, but then I remembered a prophetic word that I received earlier this week. God was letting me know that I was on assignment this week and to pay attention. I almost missed it. I have been actively ignoring something for a while now, for my own sanity. But I am good now. I feel unaffected by it now. I feel healed.

So I was talking about vision yesterday and if you have read my blog in the past you know I believe God showed me my future with a particular person (yeah, I know). I feel the same way. But I didn’t make this up, so who am I to argue.

The Lord showed it to me many years ago. God said I would see this man go through many relationships and that I would “speak” prophetically to the relationships, but in the end, he and I would be together. And the journey began.

Two weeks after I received that word he announced publicly that he had a girlfriend and that is pretty much how it’s been. Me, looking and watching from afar. But then God told me he was going to connect me with someone who knew what was going on in his inner circle and God would show me some things and that happened. Oh but wait, before that God said he would give me a means of communicating with him, which was shown to me in a dream and that happened. You see this man was not in my circle and he is at a different status level.

I can’t tell you everything that has been shown to me and confirmed, but the main part that was shown to me was that he would get tangled up with a friend of mine and come very close to marrying her. This was revealed through the dreams of a couple of friends. Well this has indeed happened. He says she is the love of his life, so who am I to argue? But this has been a very hard pill to swallow. But strangely, it’s been part of the plan.

They have not met yet, but it seems they are about to. But God showed me they wouldn’t or so that is my interpretation of the dream I had. Now this may seem strange to some, but I know if I didn’t have all these warnings, dreams and visions, I would not have had the grace to hold on this long until he and I met.

So what do I do when it seems that my vision will end in another way? All I can do is watch and see. I know I cannot stop two people who seem to want to be together from getting together. Only God can do that. God told me, he spoke to this man about me, but he rejected it and my friend told me God spoke to her about ANOTHER man, but they both seem to be drawn to each other. So we will see.

I feel different now. This past week God has awakened and warned me that this was coming. Whether it will happen is up to God. I am not making any predictions. I am just sharing what I saw years ahead of time.

I had a dream a while ago. I saw my friend happy to be meeting this man. As she started on her journey, she was happy, but just when she was about to meet him, he turned into Michael Jackson. I have never once thought it meant he would die. I always felt, it meant, her chances of meeting him were like her chances of meeting Michael Jackson.

Is this an attempt to stop something from happening? No it’s not. I know that is not possible anyway. Just an attempt to share what I see. I’m on assignment.

Habakkuk 2:3 New King James Version (NKJV)

For the vision is yet for an appointed time;
But at the end it will speak, and it will not lie.
Though it tarries, wait for it;
Because it will surely come,
It will not tarry.

Deciding What You Won’t Do

So far this year has not been easy, but by the grace of God I am forging through. How about you? I know that this is the season to line up with the will of God and His plan for our lives. As the lady that I am living with says, “it’s time to get a grip”!

When this year came in, I realized that there are some things I am no longer willing to do and it has to do with communication. The internet, texting, Facebook and Twitter has in some ways crippled people in their ability to communicate.

Here is what I’m not going to do: If we have been friends for a while and have a relationship where we talk on the phone, I am not going to start texting you as our form of communication. If we are phone friends that is how we will remain. To me texting as a substitute for real communication is unacceptable. It’s hard enough to understand folks when you are talking.

Now if we have never met and we text or email, that is okay as long as it’s two-sided communication. If it’s one-sided, let me just say goodbye now, lol. But I really don’t have any friends like that. But I do communicate with a couple of women on Facebook and via text message and that is okay. If we are to meet in the future we will and if not, that is okay too.

But if I have had any interaction with you online and you believe that our relationship should go to the next level the only way that is going to happen is if we move past online to the phone. It seems to be the natural progression. That means, I must have your number and you must have mine and someone has to pick up the phone and we have to have a conversation. But if there is no desire for that, it’s okay. People can’t be forced to do what they don’t want to do.

What I am not going to do is get any closer to anyone online. It’s just not going to happen. To me it’s really quite simple. Pick up the phone. I’m easy to talk to on the phone and we can shoot the breeze and have fun. No matter what you may think of me, you will never really know until we really get to know each other.

You may wonder where this blog post is coming from. It is partly in response to my brother who I talk to daily, texting me something he should have said in a CONVERSATION. I’m not going to tolerate this anymore. I simply responded to the text and told him that I would not be responding via text. I told him we needed to have a conversation.

This is what I have decided to do. Make sense to anyone?

Let’s Put it Out There

life-goes-on-15301Yesterday, I posted something that was my experience and I thought it might be controversial and that it might be taken personally, but then since the individual who I was thinking about x’d me out of their life, I didn’t think it much mattered. What I shared was what I felt came to me. It wasn’t what I really felt at all. But because of a response I saw, I have made it private, so as not to offend. But here is a revelation. Everything is not about us.

Here is how this whole “relationship” started: I was given the privilege of a private email address to someone and they are a very influential person. I felt I was writing and doing what God wanted me to do. But with time and with no direct responses, I got a little ticked off. I am talking years of writing. And for someone who says “well you should have stopped writing”, all I can say is early on I was absolutely positively done writing them, until I had a dream and someone, who didn’t know anything about the circumstance interpreted the dream for me. And what was the interpretation? The lady said to me “your dream means that there is someone who you are considering cutting off communication, but God wants you to keep communicating with them”. So there is it. In my mind I was following God.

Well then it all went downhill after a while. I was misled twice by this person and yes, I have forgiven them, and then I did abuse my privilege, I must admit. I was occasionally sharp and even irate and said many things that I regret and have apologized for many times. I have not gotten a real apology, but that is okay. I’m over that. But later on, I did start getting responses in two unorthodox ways.

Here is my assessment of the situation: Some of what I shared with this person, I believe God wanted me to share but it became an offense to the person. Perhaps, it was too “in your face”, or perceived as too harsh or judgmental, but much of what I shared were warnings which I stand by.

So recently this person, “burned our relationship bridge” which I accept and respect. I have no intention of going past what they said. No more private emails, no more online stuff,  and I have tried to steer clear, (which I think I have done successfully), of the subject on this blog, since the “relationship” ended.  After all, what more is there to say? When someone wants you out of their life, you leave. I am respecting the wishes of the person. I love what Mike Murdock says:” you should go where you are celebrated, not where you are tolerated. The truth be told, this connection has DESTROYED, my self-esteem.

So how do I view this 7-year online connection. For me, the lack of real communication is at the root of the problem. I truly believe if this connection had gone to the next level, which would have been the phone for me, we would not be where we are now. Coded communication leaves little room for developing true friendship. What have I learned? I will NEVER have an online relationship like this ever again. Online is okay after you have met or talked on the phone. This entire situation has left a very bad taste in my mouth. Nothing online like this for me.

As for my online friend, I wish him the best. I pray he has a good life and I pray he finds what he is looking for. If he has found it I wish him the best. I am looking for real lasting friendships. But I’ll not fight for someone who doesn’t want me in their life, period, case closed. I don’t have time to baby anyone. I am the one that needs to be babied, lol

It’s been an interesting run. Life goes on. I don’t believe in burning bridges because often it’s a mistake. But I am cool with it. I am not going to make anyone an idol. Again, life goes on.

Proverbs 18:24

King James Version (KJV)

24 A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother.

Constant Reassurance

reassurance2Communication is key in all relationships. If you are not sure about something, you need to be able to let that person know how you are feeling. We can’t expect to have a subliminal relationship. That is why God gave us a mouth.

Sometimes people need reassurance about there relationship and I get that. I have 3 friendships (female) and all of those friends have been in my life in excess of 20 years. But even with these friendships, I need to hear from my friends from time to time (all 3 are long distance). So I get it.

Sometimes people need constant reassurance because the friendship or relationship is not at the level it should be. But I learned something recently. I have been reacting to some things and saying things I don’t mean and I have to stop it. This is the most “unstable” I have ever been. I have allowed the instability of others to affect me even when I am certain.

People who know me and have been in my presence can tell you, I am loyal to a fault. But some relationships will test that loyalty especially when no mutual commitment is communicated. In others words, how can someone expect to be assured when it doesn’t go both ways, or worse yet, if you loyalty lies somewhere else?

If you need constant reassurance give it. And give it in a way that the person can understand that you are serious. Communication (your own words, your own mouth). And men, the only way you will get that reassurance you need in a relationship is for you to give it first. There is not way, I can convince a man I am committed if he isn’t!

I have not varied in anything that God is told me. Never have and never will. Whatever God says,  I will see it to the end. But do I need to say it everyday?

1 Corinthians 13:4-7

New International Version (NIV)

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Not Concerned

peaceofGodRecently my prayer partner had a dream about me and I was about to detail it, when the cord came out of my computer. LOL I knew that meant, don’t put it out there. But I will say this. The dream was very clear and although I was not behaving as was shown in the dream, now I am going to make a conscious effort to walk it out. God gave my prayer partner that dream for a reason.

There are some things that we should not even be concerned about. And for those of you who are of the prophetic order like me, if God shows you things in dreams and visions (God-given dreams) and you know from experience that you have an accurate gift, then don’t concern yourself with things that don’t even matter.

What God showed me through my prayer partners dream was profound to say the least. I am amazed at how sometimes the Lord will give me a dream, but sometimes when he gives it to someone else, it has a greater impact for some reason.

Recently, I was venting to my prayer partner and I rehearsed two dreams that God gave me and she said “well that is all you need to know; just trust God” and that is exactly what I am going to do. Meanwhile, I need to focus on the things at hand. The truth is I am NOT CONCERNED.

Philippians 4:7

King James Version (KJV)

7 And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.