Love Series: Straight Talk

steve-harvey-straight-talk-no-chaser-book-coverI want to scream right now! I just want a real Christian man to take a stand for righteousness! I am so very tired of so-called Christians who do not believe the bible, nor do they follow it. And then they pick and choose what they follow and mix it in with their own philosophy! SPARE ME!

I was reading Steve Harvey’s book and I have to say, I have a great deal of respect for Mr. Harvey. He is trying to help women understand men and that’s a good thing. I know Mr. Harvey is growing in his faith, but I’m going to need someone to stand up and tell the whole truth, even if it’s not what is politically correct!

In his book Steve was talking about what a man is looking for in his twenties, thirties, forties, etc. As I was reading about each stage, Mr. Harvey was sharing why a man does not want to marry until he finds out who he is and get’s himself together and I understand that. But there is a missing link as to why men don’t marry and that is because most men are fornicating.

The truth to why men don’t seek marriage is because they are able to have and are having sex outside of marriage, so there is NO DRIVE whatsoever to get married.

I wish there was one TRUE MAN OF GOD out there who would tell the truth and the whole truth. I’m telling you anytime you hear a man saying he doesn’t want to get married, or is taking his time, it’s because he is a FORNICATOR.

My best friend and I were talking about this minister on the Preacher’s of LA TV show. This man is 63 years old and has been divorced for 20 years. Listen, we keep it real. We were saying the reason the man does not feel the drive to marry is because he is getting a little something on the side. It’s already been confirmed that he had a baby out of wedlock with a young woman. Trust me, when men sit around for years and years and don’t marry, they are not living right, with few exceptions. I only know of one case (for real) where this man has been completely celibate since his divorce.

Oh. God is there anyone out there that will adhere to your word??

1 Corinthians 6:18-20

New International Version (NIV)

18 Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body. 19 Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; 20 you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.

How Premarital Sex Rewires the Brain

Couple_01There’s a reason why breaking up from a sexual relationship is much more emotionally painful and much harder to forget than one that didn’t involve sex. There are several neurochemical processes that occur during sex, which are the “glue” to human bonding.

Sex is a powerful brain stimulant. When someone is involved sexually, it makes him or her want to repeat that act. Their brain produces lots of dopamine—a powerful chemical, which is compared to heroin on the brain. Dopamine is your internal pleasure/reward system. When dopamine is involved, it changes how we remember.

The other part is oxytocin, which is designed to mainly help us forget what is painful. Oxytocin is a hormone produced primarily in women’s bodies. When a woman has a child and she is breastfeeding, she produces lots of oxytocin, which bonds her to her child. For this reason, mothers will die for their child, because they’ve become emotionally bonded due to the oxytocin that is released when they’re skin-to-skin with their child.

The same phenomenon occurs when a woman is intimate with a man. Oxytocin is released, and this makes her bond to him emotionally. Have you wondered sometimes why a woman will stay with a man who’s abusing her? We know now that it’s because she bonded to him emotionally because of the oxytocin released during sex.

Men produce vasopressin, which is also referred to as the “monogamy hormone,” and it has the same effect as oxytocin has on a woman. It bonds a man to a woman.

These “bonding” agents narrow our selection to one person. That is wonderful in a marriage relationship but really bad in a dating relationship because you lose your objectivity when you’re searching for your potential lifemate.

Impaired Judgment

According to neuropsychologist Dr. Tim Jennings, “When you have premarital sex, your reward circuitry is bonded to them now, and it will be much deeper and hurtful. Oftentimes, in breakups of people who’ve been sexually active, they can’t tolerate the sense of emptiness, so they rush into another relationship. The neuro circuits did not have time to reset, and so they’re impaired in their ability to bond with the next person, and they may become sexually active with them. This is just a repetitive cycle, and there are real impairments in bonding going on.”

Becoming Bonded With Porn

These same neurochemicals are present when viewing pornography. A man will become bonded with whatever he is engaged in during the moment these chemicals are released. When your relationship is being carried on with an image, you become bonded to whatever you’re viewing.

Dr. Doug Weiss, a marriage counselor, advises men to have eye contact with their wives during sex because they become bonded with that person. By doing this, he explains that, over time, individuals will decrease the “neural pathway to pornography and sexually inappropriate thoughts and believes and glue to healthy sexuality to [their] wife. When your brain thinks sex, it thinks, ‘Where’s my wife?’ And that is a great way to fight this battle.”

Discovering how our minds were designed to operate by a magnificent Creator reveals truth in the way we are to live.

Cycle of Sexual Sin

For someone viewing porn, one of the functions of oxytocin is to separate the experience and the excitement from the intensity of the shame. According to neuropsychologist Dr. Jes Montgomery, “Usually by the time they turn the computer off, they are already sinking into a sense of failure and shame, and the function of oxytocin is to tell the brain, ‘Wait a minute. You don’t want to remember that. You want to hold on to this excitement and this amazing magic that you just experienced.’”

Knowing how these neurochemicals interact and change the brain help us understand why sex is meant to be kept within the boundaries of marriage. You see the overtones here about God’s design for His pure temple. This is another reason why the devil attacks our sexuality so much—because in attacking human sexuality, it actually interferes with human bonding.

So, for those practicing sex outside of marriage, they are creating a bond with their partner, thus inhibiting their discernment of whether they should remain in that relationship. God wired and designed our brains for a specific purpose: to bond ourselves with the person we marry.

Jennings, Weiss and Montgomery are just several of the many experts featured in the Conquer series 6-disk DVD set who provide amazing insight that help set men free from sexual sin, while providing practical steps to live in purity.

Jeremy Wiles is the executive producer and director of the Conquer series. For the original article, please visit

Sexual Sin Pt. 1

sinI was just reading a thread on a board that is supposed to be Christian and was amazed at the views on celibacy. Someone was saying they decided to be celibate for a season to clear their head to hear from God??? I’m confused!!

That is the problem with the church today. There really is no such thing as holiness and let me just say right here that I understand the struggle with sexuality. That is why people should get married. It’s God’s only LEGAL way to have sex. But in the world today, even “Christians” don’t believe that fornication is a sin. And some know it is, but they feel there is no way they can live in  holiness, so they don’t.

I think marriage is definitely the problem solver, but it’s a catch 22. If a man or woman are bound by fornication and they get married, will they remain faithful after marriage? Many times the unfaithfulness to God before marriage, seeps over into the marriage. I’ve seen it so many times.

Here is what the Bible says about sexual sin. (The Bible is the Christians instruction manual. GOD’S word, given to men inspired by HIm.

1 Corinthians 6:18

New Living Translation (NLT)

18 Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body.

1 Thessalonians 4:3-5

New Living Translation (NLT)

God’s will is for you to be holy, so stay away from all sexual sin. Then each of you will control his own body[a] and live in holiness and honor— not in lustful passion like the pagans who do not know God and his ways.

Matthew 5:28

New Living Translation (NLT)

28 But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

Ephesians 5:5

New Living Translation (NLT)

You can be sure that no immoral, impure, or greedy person will inherit the Kingdom of Christ and of God. For a greedy person is an idolater, worshiping the things of this world.

1 Corinthians 7:2

New Living Translation (NLT)

But because there is so much sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman should have her own husband.

I’m going to continue this in the next post. But there is no way you are serving God and right with Him, JUSTIFYING sexual sin. I didn’t say STRUGGLING, but I said doing it with no thought that you are doing wrong.

When God starts addressing things in your life, it means he is coming for it. Get your house in order, because God is going to deal with it. No one is exempt from living Holy if you call yourself a Christian.


Love Series: Infatuated and Laden With Lust

infatuationI was reading this message board earlier today and someone mentioned how a lot of woman are infatuated with this celebrity (whose website it was) and laden with lust. That sentence reminded me of a conversation I had yesterday.

I was chatting with an online acquaintance and she was sharing her concerns of satisfying her mate sexually when they got married. I think it had to do with the fact that her ex-husband cheated on her. But part of me knew she was boasting about snagging her man! But it’s all good. It didn’t bother me.

But then she said something that shocked me. She indicated that she would not have any problems with testing the waters before marriage. When I asked her if she believed fornication was a sin, she said she did BUT! And this is a Christian woman! But I think it has more to do with her infatuation with this man she is involved with and being laden with lust!  Some women are willing to do anything, even compromise the Bible to get and keep a man. That is dangerous because it means that man means more to her than God.

But really that is the attitude in the church today. I recently heard a story of a young female minister who was caught in her parents bed having sex and who routinely performs oral sex on men. Yet she is preaching the gospel.

When God says something is wrong He means what he says. Forming sexual soul-ties before you marry someone is dangerous. Even if you are engaged it’s wrong. Suppose you end up not getting married?

I shouldn’t be shocked though. Often people have a form of godliness, but they are really not living anything behind the words. A lot of Christians do not believe in or practice celibacy. It’s a sad commentary on so-called Christians and the Body of Christ.

2 Timothy 3:1-6

GOD’S WORD Translation (GW)

Watch Out for Sinful People

3 You must understand this: In the last days there will be violent periods of time. People will be selfish and love money. They will brag, be arrogant, and use abusive language. They will curse their parents, show no gratitude, have no respect for what is holy, and lack normal affection for their families. They will refuse to make peace with anyone. They will be slanderous, lack self-control, be brutal, and have no love for what is good. They will be traitors. They will be reckless and conceited. They will love pleasure rather than God.They will appear to have a godly life, but they will not let its power change them. Stay away from such people.

Some of these men go into homes and mislead weak-minded women who are burdened with sins and led by all kinds of desires.

1 Corinthians 6:18

King James Version (KJV)

18 Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body.

1 Corinthians 6:9-11

King James Version (KJV)

Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind,

10 Nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God.

11 And such were some of you: but ye are washed, but ye are sanctified, but ye are justified in the name of the Lord Jesus, and by the Spirit of our God.