Cyber Relating

I’ve been going back and forth about the title of this blog. Yes, I know, it seems I come up with a lot of random posts, but really it’s what I am going through at the time. When I first started, I don’t know what the purpose was. I know I wanted to minister through my experiences and I still feel that way. But lately this is been a place for me to vent, so that I don’t do it somewhere else. So forgive me for posting so much. Even if only one persons reads and gets something out of it, I’m okay with that.

I’ve shared on here that have met a few people through cyberspace. I know we all have. A few of the ladies had become phone buddies for a while. Lately, there were only two left and one that I speak to over the phone. The lady that I speak to over the phone is one that I lost contact with, but found again on Facebook and we starting talking again.

The other lady is someone who I have conversed with primarily through instant messages for about 5 years now.  Yes, that long and we have never met! We talked on the phone for a short season, but honestly, it was hard to continue because I couldn’t get a word in. lol For some reason I draw those kinds of people because I’m a good listener.

Lately this relationship has not been great. We have had lots of misunderstanding over the years and honestly I  think I made a mistake continuing. The truth is, I have felt the desire to disconnect many times because of dishonesty. I’m not sure if she realizes it. She is a nice person as far as I know, just not honest. One thing I am NOT is a liar and I really despise lying and hate when people lie on me.

Recently, she has said that I have been ‘stalking” her. Well nothing could be further from the truth. It’s really been quite the opposite. Like I said, I probably should have disconnected a long time ago, but every time I did, she would throw a fit about how she knew I would kick her to the curb eventually. It wasn’t that. It just concerned me that she would distort the truth all the time. And she had done that concerning me on many occasions.

Recently I deleted her off Facebook and my yahoo messenger and she asked me about it and I told her I did and what did she do? She requested my friendship again. lol. But I followed her.

So what is the point of this blog? It’s to talk about how you really can’t know a person in cyberspace. You can relate and get a sense of folks, but some things can’t be determined until you meet.  But the real point of this blog is to say  some folks are best left in cyberspace because you really don’t know what you are dealing with. Tonight, I deleted her for good. Lesson learned!

Tired of Cyberspace

cyberspace_crop380wYesterday, I wrote about a cyber “friendship” and honestly I am tired of relating to people that way. If I can’t at least talk to you on the phone and eventually meet, what is point?

Cyber “relationships” are not real relationships. If it stays in cyberspace too long, to me there is no real purpose. I came into 2013 feeling different about a lot of things. I feel such a restlessness and something has to change. I am taking care of my little toddler and there is a girl who just had a baby boy who I may care for as well, but I find myself feeling like something is missing. Then my former Pastor gave me a word that I need to be doing work that would allow travel and relating to people. Go figure!! lol

Then my sister was supposed to move back into the house, but that plan came to a screeching halt today. Then I have received at least three prophetic words about love, or lack there of. If something doesn’t break this year, I don’t know what I am going to do. I am just so tired. Oh, yes, this was supposed to be a post about cyberspace. But there is a connection. lol

Have you ever gotten tired of something and decided you just won’t go that route anymore? That is where I am. As Judge Milian would say “stick a fork in me, I’m done”. That is how I feel about cyber “relationships”.

Proverbs 18:24

New International Version (NIV)

24 One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin,
but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.

Limitations

I have two relationships that started on-line and seemed to be stuck in cyberspace. In both cases there has been a lot of misunderstandings, because such relationships have limitations. When you communicate online it’s hard to gauge the mood of the person. At least when you hear someones voice, you can know what is going on, or at least get a more accurate picture.

In the past two weeks, I emailed one friend several times and just when I thought my messages had gotten through, they bounced back several days later. It was upsetting because I would not want the person to think I was ignoring them. So here I am communicating and thinking the person knows what is going on, and all that time they didn’t get the messages. I’m sure they thought I may have been upset, when nothing could be further from the truth.

But then after the last batch of messages bounced back, I thought about it, and realize it’s time for that relationship to go to the next level, which in my opinion is the phone. So, I just stopped trying to send anymore emails. The other friendship did go to the phone briefly, but went back to cyberspace because every time I talked to the person, I could not get a word in at all, lol. Plus all the person did was boast all the time, so that kind of fizzled out.

It’s amazing how we communicate in today’s world. I have connections with many people who I may never meet. It’s an odd new way of making friends and acquaintances. But nothing beats the “old-fashioned way” and that is the good old telephone and face to face. All else is full of limitations.

Free

As humans, we all go through times when we get tired and we just have to make changes for our own sanity. That happened to me this week and I had to purge my life of some things that were stealing my peace. And yesterday was one of those days for me. I needed to let go of certain things that were vexing me. So how did I do that?

Well for me, it started with me letting go of a few Facebook “friends”. I no longer need to interact with certain “characters”. One person in particular had become a source of great aggravation to me because I knew he was not being honest about who he really was. God had revealed it to me in a dream (oh those dreams) In the past I had deleted him and then felt bad about it, but not anymore. And there is no going back. That season is over.

Then there was a bunch of blogs that I needed to unsubscribe from and a few websites and one message board that I am no longer going to be reading. I know this may sound strange to some, but it’s the spirit of deception that is behind all of those places and people. It just was not emotionally healthy and I refuse to have anything to do with those things anymore.

I’ve done this in the past and then went back, but that was the problem. But this time it’s different. Recently, I was reading a blog by a woman who was giving out marriage advice, but something did not sit right in my spirit about the site. I felt so stressed every time I read her blogs. So I unsubscribed. In the past I would have done that and then went back occasionally and checked back, but honestly I haven’t done that more than one time. There is a lot more to these stories, but that is all that I am willing to share without exposing too much.

Cyberspace should not have that kind of affect on us. It’s funny how we can get emotionally tied to the strangest things,  especially for single people. Often if you allow it, the internet can become your world, which is very unhealthy. But there is nothing like God setting you free. We are not bound to anything, especially if it causes us stress.

Supposed God said, let it go, shut it down, don’t visit or interact with those people and things anymore? Could you do it? Well I have and honestly for the first time in a long time I feel FREE!

John 8:36

Amplified Bible (AMP)

36 So if the Son liberates you [makes you free men], then you are really and unquestionably free.

Wacky Stuff

Yes, I know. Quite the intriguing title. But honestly I have been feeling that way concerning some situations for a very long time. But I am not blaming anyone. I blame myself mainly. Sometimes we as women can put up with the dumbest stuff.

I am no spring chicken and the truth of the matter is, I should know better. Have you ever found yourself caught up in something that is kind of wacky and even though you know it’s wacky, you just tolerate it?

I’ve blogged about meeting people online and the danger of it. Well I really believe that if you don’t meet the people that you are communicating with online in a timely fashion, you should just consider them a passing acquaintance and move on. In fact, I greatly advise against starting any friendships online. Yes, there are exceptions. One of my brother’s met his wife online and she lived in Australia. But they met shortly after they started conversing.

Two more of my online friends have fallen by the wayside. Both relationships went from online to the telephone. I blogged about my goal to meet them because that would be the natural progression, but that never happened. I realize they were fleeting friendships and that is ok.  Nothing too dramatic happened. One was trying to convince me of a new doctrine, and when I wouldn’t receive it, she disappeared. (no love loss and I’m not mad). The other friend, I think is just busy living her life. We have no beefs.

In my opinion, the internet is a terrible way to make friends. The old-fashion way of meeting people face to face works best and I will not forge anymore new “friendships” online ever again. This only happened to me because I met quite a few people on a  particular message board, but that time and season has passed. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. lol

Technology has it’s advantages, but it also has changed the way that we interact with people and I don’t think it’s good. You may find yourself, stuck in cyberspace..and that in my opinion is wacky stuff. 🙂

Proverbs 18:24 New International Version

24 One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.

Boundaries and Social Networking

Image representing Facebook as depicted in Cru...

Image via CrunchBase

I read the following exerpt on facebook, posted by one of my friends and it started the wheels to turning:

Rev. Cedric A. Miller of the Living Word Christian Fellowship Church in Neptune has had it with what he says Facebook is doing to couples coming to him for help. He says he is giving his married church leaders until Sunday to get off the social-network website or resign their posts.

Click here to read the full story

Oh the problems of social networking, blogging and this great information highway! Sadly this is what happens when people don’t have boundaries in place. If you read the full story, people are reconnecting with folks from their past and it’s interfering with the present.

We have so much more to contend with in this day and age, which brings me to a key word: boundaries.  So what is a boundary? A boundary is something that indicates limits. In other words there are just some places you can’t go.

I know Facebook can be a good tool, but I must admit I’ve had mixed emotions about reconnecting with so many different people from so many different seasons in my life and I’ve had to not connect with everybody. Just knew that time is up and it’s not to be reconnected again.

That also brings me to this blog. I remember creating this blog and trying my very best to leave some painful things behind me, but some of those things followed me. So I have made the decision to not blog for a while. I won’t say never, but right now I think I am going to give this blog a rest until the end of the year. A lot has happened to me as a result of this blog and honestly, I feel I have to let go of this for a season. I had already been thinking about moving to wordpress.org, so this may be an ending for me. We will see.

I am creating a boundary for myself right now. I’m doing less internet, less Facebook and less Twitter and more prayer. God has a future for me and its not in cyberspace, it’s a real life in the flesh. And as I move closer to it, I will have less time for all of this anyway.  The time to create your limits and boundaries is NOW. Some of you, like myself, need to get off the blogs, get out of the chat room and do less social networking. Sometimes it’s doing nothing but distracting us from our relationship with God.

I asked a friend if she could give up some internet stuff until the end of the year and she said she didn’t see why she had to, but I challenged her again. I didn’t say she had to, I just asked her if she could and she said no, and when we say no, it means that thing has become an idol. God doesn’t want anything to be before him. Not even our ministry through a blog.

I’m going to end with this. I met a beautiful woman of God on here. She is funny and she wrote the best blogs and I was almost begging her to blog again and so far she hasn’t. But you know what? I get it. She has a family and is living her life and even though blogging is fun and is a tool for ministry, it can, like anything else become an idol also. Friends we need to be free. Free to live our lives, be a blessing for a season and if God ends it all, life goes on.

Talk to you when I can. God bless everyone!

Exodus 20:3:

3Thou shalt have no other gods before me.