Love Series: Lessons Learned

relationshipsI’m sure that all of us have learned some lessons concerning love and relationships. I know I have. Last night I was thinking about it and decided to blog about it. Here are some of the things that I have learned:

1. Men should never be pursued. It’s okay to let someone know you like them once they have shown interest, but never pursue a man. He will inevitably get bored with you and pursue someone else.

2. Don’t waste your time with a man who’s heart, mind and or body is otherwise engaged with someone else. If a man is tangled up and soul-tied to someone else, don’t bother yourself ladies. Until he disengages from the other woman or women (lol) you really don’t want him. Who wants someone who is still playing the field or hasn’t made up his mind what he wants to do.

3. Don’t make a lot of effort to be near him unless he does the same. I remember so well travelling to a church in the Poconos (Pennsylvania) because I was interested in this Pastor. I lived in NY at the time and traveled mostly every Sunday to attend the church and the truth is, HE was my motive for going there. I was not driving at the time and I did get a ride on occasion, but sometimes I traveled by bus. It was costly but I was able to do it because at the time, I was earning good money. I have no regrets because it was a fun time, but I would never do that again. I learned some lessons from that experience. But to his credit, he agreed to pay for my cabs, until the deacons sabotaged everything (that’s another story). Never make more effort than he is willing to, unless GOD says so, but make sure it’s really God.

4. I was also thinking about moving to the Poconos at his suggestion (of course). I later learned that he was looking for housing for me, but that was it. He really expected me to relocate without a commitment from him. I did consider it for a while, but God said no. Never relocate for a man unless you have a commitment from him. Often Christian men will make it seem like it’s a spiritual necessity for you to move while they do absolutely NOTHING. lol Don’t drink the Kool-aide ladies.

5. Wait for the man who will “fall to his knees for you”. This same Pastor was interested in me (it was mutual) and when I told him I was joining the church he literally fell to his knees and let out a yell. Yes, this really happened. I was both flattered and horrified at the same time. Everyone was looking like “what is the Pastor doing on his knees in front of this woman?” lol Wait for that kind of reaction from a man. And don’t settle for anything less. And even though he and I did not end up together this was an important lesson.

6. Don’t deal with a man who won’t acknowledge you and call you by your name. Some of you know my name is Sheila. This may seem like a  strange point, but I have a friend who was in a 9 year relationship with a man, had a child by him and she told me he rarely referred to her by name!!! Even if we are talking via text or online (for a minute) use my name on occasion, especially if we have not graduated to calling each other “baby” or  “honey”. It’s sad what we women are willing to settle for.

7. Finally ladies, work on you. Love will find you, when the time is right, but you have to be ready. And the truth is sometimes we have not been found because we are still not ready. A confident woman who is ready for love will set things in motion to be found. 🙂

I was on a prayer line recently with a relative, who is a minister. There were people who were on the phone from all over the US, but I was the only person on the line from Florida. Twice on the calls on two separate occasions my relative asked for prayer from Florida and did not call me by name. They simply said “someone from Florida” please pray. Well I am not just someone from Florida. Perhaps it’s a male thing (not bashing). Sadly often men think you are supposed to jump up and down and be happy because they thought about you. Yeah okay…needless to say I will not be getting on the prayer line again.

Ladies have some self-respect. Don’t accept crumbs from someone who will not treat you like the queen that you are. Even when a man is unsure about you, it doesn’t give him the right to play with you and everyone else and waste your time. Keep it moving. Real love with find you and before that happens you can just be his friend.

Esther 2:17

New International Version (NIV)

17 Now the king was attracted to Esther more than to any of the other women, and she won his favor and approval more than any of the other virgins. So he set a royal crown on her head and made her queen instead of Vashti.