Love Series: Tainted Love

taintedloveAfter some wise counsel by a fellow blogger, I am rewriting this blog. post.

Sometimes we are women can spend time deluding ourselves.. Listen ladies. Sometimes, we have to wake up and take inventory of our relationships with men. If a man is carrying on with another woman sexually, you may need to examine his love for you. I’m talking about dating relationship. I know men separate love from sex, however if you are dating a man who is cheating on you, take a second look.

I know of 3 married couples that survived infidelity and these couples have been married more than 20 years, so you relationship can survive. But this blog is about dating relationships on and offline. I’ve heard some  women make statements like ” I did the same thing to him” or “he was thinking of me when he was having sex with her”. Well I believe that is where we get into tainted love.

My friend and I were talking about relationships and she said something so powerful. She was saying she was in a 9 year FAKE relationship and she NEVER had an address or phone number for the man. When the dust settled, he got married to someone else in the middle of the 9 years. Finally, his wife showed up at the door and slipped the marriage license under the door and that is how she found out he was married!! Sadly, the relationship continued even while he was married. PLUS SHE AND THE WIFE HAVE DAUGHTERS BORN THE SAME YEAR!! (I asked permission to share the story and she said YES!!) Ladies, this is tainted love.

And let’s address the men who are dating women and  purposely withhold information to keep the woman in the dark. When you are dating someone exclusively, it’s important to be forthright when you have cheated. This way the woman can make the decision to continue in the relationship

So is there forgiveness after dating  indiscretion? Yes, there is. As long as both parties know the truth and make a decision to more forward. But it’s important to make a true evaluation especially when you are just dating.

Proverbs 7

20 thoughts on “Love Series: Tainted Love

  1. “She was saying she was in a 9 year FAKE relationship and she NEVER had an address or phone number for the man”

    WHAT?! That is a red, burgundy, maroon, wine, cherry, chili pepper, fire orange flag!

    • nikkele, do you know how many women live like this? She has been my friend for over years and back then, I remember asking her where he lived and she couldn’t tell me. We talked about it recently and she said she was deluded. She thought the man loved her. Oh there was affection because she treated him like a king. But it wasn’t love. #sillywomen. lol

  2. Just wanted to say there are definitely some naive women out there and men who will definitely take advantage of such stupidity. …Yet I can testify that not ALL men who stray do it because they are looking for it, and it is possible to be in love and make a mistake in order to learn the value and consequence of such love. I have seen with my own eyes the amazing miraculous change of a mans character traits by falling into temptation and learning the costs, and allowing God to change his heart. Some important questions to ask yourself if you ever find your man has been with someone else sexually…
    1. Did he go looking for it, or was he weak made a mistake?
    2. Did he come clean from a repent-full heart or did he hide it?
    3. Did God confirm this is the person for you?
    4. Does the revealed goodness in their heart out way the weakness in their flesh?

    I have been on both sides of this and used to feel the same way as you do, until God taught me forgiveness and I learned more from that than I ever thought I could know. Blessings to you!

    • I totally agree my sister. My only question is when he fell did he tell the one he was in love with? I’m not as hard as people think. I understand that things happen. I just know men do stuff like this but they never tell the woman was really my point. I know about 3 marriages that survived infidelity. But the wives KNEW and made an informed decision about continuing to love. She wasn’t kept in in the dark in a world of fantasy. 😉

      • Yes, He confessed with a broken heart. 😦

        Many women who have relationships with men who continue in such behaviour are unwilling to admit the truth to themselves, nor ask the tough questions for fear of hearing something they can never un-hear… They do not trust God. God can’t fill places of a woman’s heart if she doesn’t trust him.

        I remember a lady asked me once why I was ok with my husband having a social life without me when I was home with small children, and never tried to curb it with controlling forces.

        I began to say “because I trust…”

        And she said “Because you trust him”

        And I corrected her.. “Because I trust God!”

        Because no matter what sins my man may have in his past or future, I know God chose him for me. God confirmed this in so many many ways, God doesn’t make mistakes.. 🙂

      • I agree. I know that I would more than likely forgive if my husband cheated. I’ve not crossed that bridge, but If I were sure he was the one for me, I like you would stick it out. But I am not in a relationship, so I have no point of reference.

    • Also, I absolutely understand what it’s like for a man to be changed after a great fall. I’ve seen it with my own eyes as well. I feel like my blogs are always misunderstood. I know people think I am hard as rocks. I’m not.

      • Perhaps it is because we can only go on what you write and how you write it, rather than knowing you personally…. I have seen much softness from your over the past year or so, So I do know you are not so tough all the time, I appreciate you very much. I am mainly responding to this sentence in your post..
        “Listen ladies. Wake up and smell the coffee. If a man has carried on with another woman sexually, he is not in love with you! Period, case closed. He may tell you he is and he may think he is, but if that is love keep it!”

        It struck a nerve with me because of my experience with these situations. No such thing as bad feedback, we learn something from all of it. 🙂 I do love you Sister xx

  3. “If a man has carried on with another woman sexually, he is not in love with you! Period, case closed.”

    This is quite a bold and general statement about a very personal issue, and I think the nerve striking was because it goes back to what we were talking about in our big chat last week. Context.
    Anything said out of context can be misinterpreted, general statements often miss the target for specific people because no two situations are exactly the same, no two hearts are exactly the same, no two minds are exactly the same. It leaves much room to dispute any theory, which has the potential to damage the message.

    When put into context, most scenarios aren’t “period, case closed.” They are adaptable to various other factors which keeps people able to stay on the same track as you, where you are hoping to touch them with your words.

    So for example this statement above is broad, it covers many peoples life experiences, the conclusions you gave were final, and therefor incorrect to some people experiences and being one of them, it struck a nerve with me.
    Hope that helps xx

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