Yesterday, I posted something that was my experience and I thought it might be controversial and that it might be taken personally, but then since the individual who I was thinking about x’d me out of their life, I didn’t think it much mattered. What I shared was what I felt came to me. It wasn’t what I really felt at all. But because of a response I saw, I have made it private, so as not to offend. But here is a revelation. Everything is not about us.
Here is how this whole “relationship” started: I was given the privilege of a private email address to someone and they are a very influential person. I felt I was writing and doing what God wanted me to do. But with time and with no direct responses, I got a little ticked off. I am talking years of writing. And for someone who says “well you should have stopped writing”, all I can say is early on I was absolutely positively done writing them, until I had a dream and someone, who didn’t know anything about the circumstance interpreted the dream for me. And what was the interpretation? The lady said to me “your dream means that there is someone who you are considering cutting off communication, but God wants you to keep communicating with them”. So there is it. In my mind I was following God.
Well then it all went downhill after a while. I was misled twice by this person and yes, I have forgiven them, and then I did abuse my privilege, I must admit. I was occasionally sharp and even irate and said many things that I regret and have apologized for many times. I have not gotten a real apology, but that is okay. I’m over that. But later on, I did start getting responses in two unorthodox ways.
Here is my assessment of the situation: Some of what I shared with this person, I believe God wanted me to share but it became an offense to the person. Perhaps, it was too “in your face”, or perceived as too harsh or judgmental, but much of what I shared were warnings which I stand by.
So recently this person, “burned our relationship bridge” which I accept and respect. I have no intention of going past what they said. No more private emails, no more online stuff, and I have tried to steer clear, (which I think I have done successfully), of the subject on this blog, since the “relationship” ended. After all, what more is there to say? When someone wants you out of their life, you leave. I am respecting the wishes of the person. I love what Mike Murdock says:” you should go where you are celebrated, not where you are tolerated. The truth be told, this connection has DESTROYED, my self-esteem.
So how do I view this 7-year online connection. For me, the lack of real communication is at the root of the problem. I truly believe if this connection had gone to the next level, which would have been the phone for me, we would not be where we are now. Coded communication leaves little room for developing true friendship. What have I learned? I will NEVER have an online relationship like this ever again. Online is okay after you have met or talked on the phone. This entire situation has left a very bad taste in my mouth. Nothing online like this for me.
As for my online friend, I wish him the best. I pray he has a good life and I pray he finds what he is looking for. If he has found it I wish him the best. I am looking for real lasting friendships. But I’ll not fight for someone who doesn’t want me in their life, period, case closed. I don’t have time to baby anyone. I am the one that needs to be babied, lol
It’s been an interesting run. Life goes on. I don’t believe in burning bridges because often it’s a mistake. But I am cool with it. I am not going to make anyone an idol. Again, life goes on.
King James Version (KJV)
24 A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother.