This morning I was thinking about the importance of being emotionally healthy to give and receive love. We are all products of our upbringing and most of us carry those experiences into adulthood. Let me start by talking about myself.
My Dad was a cold person. Not affectionate at all. My mother was not cold, but she was not what you would call overly affectionate. But she was very loving. Even has an adult I could sit next to her and lay my head on her if I wanted to. So I would say, I was raised in a non affectionate household even though we loved each other. I think I am somewhere in the middle. When I see my brothers, I will hug them and if I’m near my nieces or nephews I have to give lots of hugs or kisses. So I think I ended up like my mom. Loving, but not overly affectionate.
My relationship with my Dad affected me greatly, especially where it comes to relating to men. I have watched women just sow love on men first and I just can’t do that. I think that is out-of-order. If you notice the story of Hosea is about a man loving a WOMAN through her sin, not vice versa. There is a reason God made it like that. Men are not inclined to stay with a woman after she has cheated, but women do it all the time. There is nothing unusual about a woman staying with a man after he cheated. That is why the story of Hosea is so powerful.
I have been told that I am cold, but it’s usually by men, who have played with my emotions. I can tell you some stories. I’m not as inclined to believe a man when it’s just words and not actions. I have to be careful with my heart and I don’t like being lied to.
I can tell you this. If a man is waiting on me to woo him, we will never be together. lol That is not me, or the order of God. I believe when the right man comes along he will have to do the wooing. Pleading with a man to love and be with me would never work for me. But the man who is willing to do the work will have a LOYAL partner. Not a yes-I’ve-been-faithful-but-I’m-really-not partner.
I know I was supposed to be talking about healing and I am. Most people need to be healed to be able to love effectively. If you are too needy, you don’t know how to love and no one will be able to satisfy you. The first step in the quest for love is asking God to heal you of the things that are not emotionally healthy. Don’t assume how you are in how it’s supposed to be. Your idea of love may very well be distorted. And remember, the truth is NO ONE can give us the unconditional love that God can give us. Everyone has conditions and God made it that way, so that we would put NO ONE before him.
New Revised Standard Version (NRSV)
27 He answered, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your strength, and with all your mind; and your neighbor as yourself.”