I didn’t realize it, but I’ve been in a crisis. I’ve gone through it for a while now. Yesterday I was listening to a women’s conference online and as the minister preached about Abraham and Sarah and the disappointment Sarah must have had, never having bore a child, the floodgates broke.
As the tears streamed down my face, I realized that there was a deep disappointment in my soul, having tried my best to do the right thing, only to come up lacking. If you knew my life, you would understand how I feel and felt. I tried to live like God told me to live. I didn’t backslide and I have lived right (no, I’m not perfect).
But when you get to a certain point in life and all that you have believed God for has eluded you, you can become bitter and it can fester and grow deep down inside. And then as a women, your ‘value” goes down, as you age according to the world, and sadly even in the church.
When I look in the mirror, the reflection in no way reflects the number, however the number is still the number. A couple of weeks ago, I picked up a prescription from the pharmacy and you have to give your date of birth and the girl behind the counter asked me if the prescription was for me. When I said yes, she was stunned. She was shocked at my age, and honestly I am too. I’m shell-shocked. (lol) She thought I was in my thirties.
Honestly, I feel as though, it too late for a lot of things. I’ve kind of given up hope. I have thought perhaps it’s not meant to be. Perhaps I will not have a family. This has been deep inside for sometime now, all while speaking words of faith.
In the midst of this though, I received a word of clarity about all the back and forth with moving. At one time, It may have been God’s method, but the prophet recently addressed the fact that every time I have made plans, something has gone wrong, and that deep down inside I knew the answer.
In spite of everything I just shared, I still believe God. My greatest hope is that God’s perfect plan will prevail and manifest, but I now know that the way it will happen has changed. Thank God! He is wanting to protect me because God knows that I have gone through so much, that I could not bear anymore disappointment. Thank God for the prophetic! God is going to bring my blessing to me and that is because he is mindful of my stage of life.
Have the promises of God eluded you, all while you are getting older? God knows something about it we don’t know. If this is your concern, you still must trust God!
New International Version (NIV)
The Birth of Isaac
21 Now the Lord was gracious to Sarah as he had said, and the Lord did for Sarah what he had promised.2 Sarah became pregnant and bore a son to Abraham in his old age, at the very time God had promised him.