Yesterday, right before I woke up, I was dreaming that I was married and that all my insecurities were gone. I was happy, My concerns about marrying late in life and my concerns about being a wife were gone. I was able to meet my husbands needs, in all aspects. These are things that I have been concerned about.
Later, I was listening to a minister online and the message was an answer to my prayers. The tears finally began to flow as I listened and heard the answer to the questions I had asked..
The truth is that I knew something was wrong, but I couldn’t really put my finger on it. But the message that I heard was about needing a complete healing. Sometimes God brings us out, but because of life, we regress and go back.
In my case it’s been years of disappointment. Even the bible say that hope deferred makes the heart-sick. For me it’s been trusting God and living the way the bible says I should and never marrying and having children. Then someone I loved married someone else. Then I trusted God for my mothers healing and she died!
The struggles have been many and I’m sure many of you can identify. Then 8 years ago, I lost everything I owned. My past, memories, photos, clothing…I mean EVERYTHING! I am not materialistic, but I never realized how much our “things” define us, until I lost everything. The pain just left last year!
Well here I am with God’s promises, but my attitude was just not right. Something was missing and I kept feeling a disconnect, even though I love God. Yes, I am saved, have faith, but honestly I had become jaded big time. My outlook on the promises was contaminated.
The message I heard yesterday opened my eyes. I saw myself clearly, and I’m sharing this because as Christians we tend to live in denial. But there is nothing like desperation for truth. That is what happened to me. I had become desperate. As the tears flowed, I saw where I was.
I keep talking in the past tense because I decree by the blog of Jesus that I am leaving that contaminated, jaded outlook behind!!
Gone is the negativity that made me function in fear, instead of faith!
If you can identify with this word in any way, know that when you come to God in desperation, He will answer!!
New International Version (NIV)
36 So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.
Here is the link to that message. It will be online until Wednesday. You can fast forward to the message since the record the entire service.