Bury It and Breathe

I wish I could explain to you what I am feeling. It’s hard for me to put it all into words. Although there is no comparison to losing an actual child, I am losing my “baby”. You see I will never deny that I heard from God because I know His voice and so much of what was shown to me has manifested. But I also know that something didn’t feel right and I am who I am and I am a gem and deserved to be treated as such.

I had a mans face light up when he realized some very personal things about me. He knew that I was something special and that I would be a blessing to someone. Am I boasting? No I’m not. But I have been devalued and even called out of my name and it has broken me down and made me question myself. Where I knew I was an “Esther” I was starting to feel like a Rahab (no offense to the Rahab, but I’m not her).

I am burying this past. As I look back, I have to say I have many regrets. I hear people say they have no regrets and honestly I can’t say that. I regret the last six years of this vision and I wish it had never happened. I didn’t know that I would not be appreciated and accepted ever. But that is then and this is now.

I expect great things. And now that I have buried this, I am going to BREATHE.

John 12:24

Amplified Bible (AMP)

24 I assure you, most solemnly I tell you, Unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains [just one grain; it never becomes more but lives] by itself alone. But if it dies, it produces many others and yields a rich harvest.